Need a pick me up?

These billboards are hilarious (J sent me quite a few via e-mail. That and lunch really perked up my day.) :)

Hope you all are having a good end-of-the-week. I started my day out in a state of, well, bitchiness. I'm mid-cycle, didn't have much sleep, and haven't been eating much more than peanut butter and bread lately, which is apparently a recipe for grouchiness. Today a friend from work treated me to tater tots, a tuna sandwich, and salad, and another bought me a Diet Coke. So, maybe the lack of caffeine has been an issue, too.

I had a long talk today with someone about some issues that have really been disturbing to me and I feel a lot better. It helped me step back and separate myself from the situation emotionally and analyse my options. I hadn't realised how close I was to a breaking point, and just needed to allow myself to really feel what I'd been repressing. As a result, I'm hoping I'll be in a better position to be supportive to others. I've got to learn to let go of what I can't control, and help in the ways I can, which sound like common sense, but when it comes to a situation involving mental illness, it's hard sometimes to keep that perspective.

I've dealt with mental health issues myself and in various people I love. It's the most difficult, frustrating, and yet educational thing anyone can go through, whether it's anxiety, depression, alcoholism/addiction, personality disorders, or psychosis. Nothing is ever easy. Nothing is ever set in stone. You never know where you stand. It can tear people apart, and it can bring people together. You know the saying 'that which does not kill you makes you strong?' I think many of us are survivors of various forms of mental illness. A lot (in fact, I suspect nearly all) of the most devastating forms have a real, physical basis which goes unnoticed by many. But because of how it is expressed, it carries a terrible stigma, and that only makes it harder to seek help. It also tends to have a far more devastating effect on the whole family, because it effects the very relationships of the people involved, and often others can't really understand what a person is suffering. It's akin, I think, to a chronic disorder such as autism, Alzheimer's or cerebral palsy, where the entire family is changed by what one person has. And one of the biggest rules for a caregiver, whether due to a physical condition or a mental illness, is to take time to nourish his or her self, and working in concert with others is the best plan. I've tried to keep that in mind, but it still takes a toll on everyone, and that can't be avoided. But in the end, I think it's so worth it, because it reaffirms the love that we each have with one another, it helps maintain the quality of life for those in need, and to repay the similar actions others may have taken in the past. It helps us keep hope, hope for a cure, hope for a better life.

There are some times, say in a marriage where addiction or depression lead to violence or abuse, that one party has to have courage to leave. There are other situations, just as difficult where there is a stronger bond and where the person's life is not in danger, that it takes courage to stay. I once left a situation similar to the first, and I have had someone else have the force of will to stand by me (ironically by drawing a line at where things would end) to force me to get help for my own issues. I don't know if it's so much brave to try to be there for those drowning inside their own heads, but in the end, it's sometimes the best thing you can do for those you love, even if you can't make anything else better for them.

And I have to admit, as stressful as life has been lately, it's helped put my priorities in order. There is nothing more important to me than the ones I love. Money issues, job hunts, etc., pale in comparison with that. And I've been fortunate to know people--patients, people online, people in my life--who deal every day with issues of such depth of gravity I can only dream of. People sometimes accuse me of morbidly seeking out the sad, the suffering, but in fact, it reminds me that the universe does not revolve around any of us; misfortune has no discrimination. Good people suffer, bad people live the high life, and in the end the only thing we can do is take responsibility for our own lives, try to make good decisions, and try to stay connected to those around us, whether friends, family, acquaintances, or on the level of other humans trying to make the best of life. The alternative is to slip into a sort of unreality that then colours all of our interaction with the world. And we can also just try to hold on to hope, and love, and if we believe in a greater Power, trust that the universe makes sense, and that we are somehow playing a part in that design.