Oh, I forgot the best part...

One of things I love about Star Wars: Attack of the Clones: It has a library! I would kill (in the figurative sense anyway) for the Jedi archives--the sum of all knowledge in the galaxy. Well, almost all knowledge. Although, the librarian takes a very non-librarian attitude of "it isn't here, it doesn't exist". Just so you know, today's model librarian has the motto, "if it isn't here, I'll find it for you". As a side note, I'm not sure we really need the great and powerful Yoda to solve the conundrum when simple logic would have done. But, I suppose it made a good demonstration...if you've seen the movie, you'll understand; if you haven't I don't want to give it away.

I'm now DSL-less. :( I was so bummed enough last night when it no longer worked that I just went on to bed--I didn't even work on other projects, read, or play games. [I did celebrate the unclogging of my bathtub (I love our maintenance staff) with a nice long bath.] Now I've recovered and I'm raring to go when I get home. I finally got my list of 28 student loans--oy vey. Granted, several have been paid off, but the rest have to be consolidated.

I'm starting to feel in control of life again. I have my rent (on time!), and with Zabet's help, I'm paying off the things according to her schedule. It's been a long time since I wasn't literally living from paycheque to paycheque. I still am, a bit, but I've got a little cushion that isn't immediately evaporating the moment it appears in my account, and that's great. Since I simplified life (i.e., canned the TV/computer and car), I've had more time to spend with my animals, working on some creative projects of my own, and keeping up my environment. For the first time in a very long while I feel a sense of peace.

I've known for a long time that I tend to make my life a living hell, that I do things backwards or in a fashion that makes things more difficult or overwhelming. I really do, as D told me, make mountains out of molehills. Well, I think I've whacked the mole on the head, and now that I'm putting some of that energy into getting better, I'm finding that life isn't nearly as overwhelming as I thought. I've spent so much time messed up because of the past that I've been fritting away the future. It stops here and now. I want to live life, after all. I want to hear the beauty in birdsong and see the beauty in other people. I want to reach out and embrace the life I've been hiding from. I feel like a toddler just up and walking. (But fortunately without wanting to taste quite everything). It sounds corny, but it's true.

As for updating the blog, I may not be able to do lengthy posts--but you're probably glad of that. I'll try to write during my lunch break, etc.