Ooooh. Busy day....

It must have been the Friday Five's fault, but despite an attempt to get up around 10am I didn't wake up until 2 in the afternoon. Around 11:30 my mom, whose birthday is tomorrow, stopped by, but neither Cerys nor I apparently heard her at the door. I was ensconced in a really fascinating dream, though--extremely detailed. It started out as if it were part of our Sunday game, where I was myself, taking the part of a character, including some artefacts (found in an excavation for widening Nicholasville Road) as props. But it segued into a very real sort of thing where I had been adopted as a child into modern society but was actually part of an unknown group called the People who lived in a forest in the middle of Lexington, very close to nature. Outsiders attacked just as I received the artefacts. I escaped, but the staff became a broom, and I wound up underground in a complex that ran under a lake near a chemical plant. The People practised a form of magic and had traditions similar to those in the game that are based on the tribes of Werewolf: the Apocalypse. In the midst of the complex I found a group of ecoterrorists who were part of the People, a tribe that lived out in the world of man and could manipulate technology (like the Glasswalkers in our game). I joined their struggle and we were trying to find out where the others had been taken when I woke up.

I know where that all came from. The unknown tribes in the forest came from an article in the latest National Geographic where they're trying to track tribes in the Amazon that have not been contacted by outsiders without actually establishing contact--it's an attempt to preserve their cultures and allow them free rein over their territories but know where to basically keep hands off. That, mixed with the game, the books of Zenna Henderson, my own personal life, and the wilds of Lexington and its constant road construction all put together, made the dream. But it was incredibly detailed. I dream very cinematically--not just in colour but with interesting action scenes and a great deal of detail. If I could record them on some sort of device, I'd only have to edit them and they're usually very coherent to begin with, although they sometimes wend one into another in what would be an illogical fashion in the real world, but is internally consistent. Yeah, I know, weird. I'm used to it, and I get the impression that not everyone dreams that way. I'd love to research cultural impact on dreaming.

Having woken up so late, I still managed to get A LOT done today. I took the bus down to the shopping area of Richmond Road to a jewelry/pawn shop. I finally got rid of my wedding band, turning it into enough cash to get some more cat and dog food, some peanut butter, and lunch at Taco Bell. It was a very strange experience though. I mean, I realise not everyone who walks into a jewelry store to sell something got that something legally, but I needed a picture ID, had to give my social security number, my place of birth, AND my thumbprint, all so I could get $10. Hmmm....Still, considering that when I first tried to find a place to sell it they wouldn't give me anything, that wasn't too bad. I certainly don't want it (I divorced 12 years ago, and I will NEVER use that particular band again--it's probably cursed). It was 14K white gold but fairly thin; I think they only cost us about $50 when we got them, so that worked for me. And although I have no intention of selling any of my other jewelry (I'm not much into jewelry; most of what I have is pretty much sterling silver, which they wouldn't want anyway, and my class ring and my grandmother's wedding ring, both of which are sentimental objects not for sale), I did find out they could appraise my grandmother's ring and give me an estimate of how much it would cost to repair the guard, which is missing three of the small diamonds.

I then got some lunch and walked down Richmond Road a bit to the Gold's Gym there. I wanted to work out but knew the downtown one closed early on Saturdays. So, I decided to check this one out. Actually, I enjoyed it, even though it was all open. I didn't feel like I was in a meat market. They have their treadmills up on a series of platforms, so as you walk, you can watch everything going on. I did 15 minutes on the treadmill at 3 miles an hour on an incline, so it was longer and more intense than I have been doing. I then went over to the elliptical machines (same setup) and did 5 minutes of both regular and reverse mode. (I actually find the reverse easier, but I can't keep it up too long). I didn't do it too long though because my heart rate was in the 160s and I didn't want it to get too high. Then I went over to the bikes and did 15 minutes on level 4. I watched people doing the weight machines and there are definitely several I want to try. The ladies locker room doesn't have the amenities of deodorant and other such items, but it was spacious and had all the same things in it as the executive one downtown. There's a sauna there, too, although I didn't poke around and find it. They also have a smoothie bar and salon integrated into the gym. It's a soothing purple colour inside. I got to see the spinning area (riding bikes to movies), too. I could easily work out at either, and I don't think Dwana or her friend Heather would feel uncomfortable there at all. We should go over there at some point together. N at work is trying to get me to do power yoga class with her, and I think I will. It's about an hour long and I may not be able to do all the lunges, but it's not aerobics or something, just yoga, which should be fine for me. I'm really, really enjoying this. Strange!!! The last time I worked out I wasn't sore the next day at all. With turning things up a notch, though, I may be tomorrow.

Then I went to Kroger and got the pet food. I haven't been there in awhile. It amazes me how much couples fight in the grocery store. I don't normally pay attention too closely, but I ran afoul of two couples whose arguments meant they were blocking the aisles I needed. Really, folks, do you know how bitchy you sound calling your husband an asshole in the store? I mean, I'm not one of those 'never fight in public because no one should know' sorts of people, but still....anyway, finished that up and came home. I took Cerys out and then captured a recliner. I'm not into dumpster diving (I'm still scarred that one of my exes did this regularly) but furniture put out near the dumpster that is in good shape is fair game. It works fine. With the exception of a very small rip in the back and a little wear on the upholstery (but nothing abnormal), it's in great shape. The cats, of course, are convinced that I carried/rolled it down the hill just for them. Darius is on top of the back right now, and Spock is curled up on the seat. Spock grew up in a home with a recliner; he loves sitting on my lap when I'm in the chair. I love being able to put my feet up--they tend to swell a little over the course of the day and it's better for legs with the diabetes. I've put a towel down so Buns won't get directly on the fabric (he licks his skin raw; I'm not sure at this point if its more psychological than itching or not, but I try to protect things as a result).

The one thing I really did want to work on is an art project involving some modeling clay I have. However, now that I have a better idea of how wide the mouth of the jar I'm going to make has to be, I'm thinking I need at least another box of clay. It's this really neat stuff I got at Michaels that looks like regular terracotta but can be baked in an oven rather than kiln-fired--but it doesn't have the tacky look of sculpey. For some reason I've spent all this time thinking it was in powdered form to be mixed with water; now I realise it's ready to use, and one box isn't going to be enough. Since it has to be protected so it doesn't dry out too quickly, I might as well wait until I have some more on hand or at least can run and get some. I also didn't realise it has to air dry completely before it's baked. Once I start this is definitely going to be a long project, and that's hard to do around cats. I'm tempted to work on it over at the hospital after work, if they'll let me fire it in the occupational therapy oven. Hmmm...probably not. I can't imagine the clay being an infection control issue, etc., but you never know.

Oh, I also did some maintenance to the aquarium. I washed the glass top in really hot water (otherwise it attracts those ^*&^%% drain flies), cleared the water pumps intake (the snails love to hang out there), added some whater, and pulled the java moss up away from the bottom of the tank and away from the features so the 'terrain' is more interesting and not likely to strangle the bigger fish. Have I ever mentioned that I love livebearers? My mollies and guppies just keep churning out babies with very little care needed. My mom, who I consider a livebearer guru (I learnt most of what I know about raising fish from her) has had an awful time with their aquarium; they've bypassed the water-softener issue, but there still seems to be something deleterious about the local water, even with conditioning and chloramine removal. I wonder if it's just too acidic; most other fish do well in the soft water, but livebearers are particularly nice for Kentucky because our water is naturally so hard to begin with (all that limestone). Maybe they live in a rare pocket of more acidic water, I dunno. Or maybe the pet stores down there don't have hardy stock. The problem with being an aquarium enthusiast is that even if you're experienced, there are simply times when you'll run up against something odd. I think some of my success is that I use natural plants. My aquarium isn't the cleanest looking--it's got algae, and mulm, and snails, and all the 'bad' things...but it's pretty much what you'd find in a creek, I think. If the drain flies that seem to come from under the apartment building do manage to hatch out a few larvae I just push them in and the fish get an extra meal (and I get fewer adult flies, which is also why you don't have to worry about mosquitoes breeding in an aquarium--there's a livebearer that lives in the Southern US called a mosquito fish and these are basically fancy cousins). When I set the aquarium up, I mixed coral in with the gravel on the advice of someone at the pet store and haven't had any trouble since--it keeps the pH constant.

Suffice to say, though, it was a busy Saturday and I am now very tired and contemplating bed, which is probably good, since I didn't go to sleep last night until about 4am. Since I am 'catching up' on blogging, though, let me just add that I should have sent out a big congratulations last weekend for J, who used to own the comic store I worked in. He got married last Saturday. Since J is in his late forties, early fifties, we'd sort of given up on him. Also, surprisingly enough, she's close to his age (for awhile Jay was in a relationship with a much younger woman that sort of left us shaking our heads at times). Here's to the happy couple. That got me thinking, so I sent an e-mail to Tracy to determine when (if it was set) she's planning to tie the knot. I knew she was planning to move into their new house sometime this month, but I don't know if I've missed her nuptuals or if it's still in the future. It seems that everyone I know is either married (or, if the laws in the US recognised gay marriage, would be), looking into buying a new house, or both. I guess I'm just in that age group where we 'Settle Down'.

Speaking of buying a house, D pointed me to a great local resource for people with lower incomes who want to buy a house. They do lots of educational programmes, for one. But they also do financing, or, if someone's still got debt issues that would preclude the normal route, they have a programme where you lease a house from them for two years and then buy, with a financial counseling programme that you complete. They even help rehabilitate credit for people who cannot get a bank account.

Now that my school loans finally consolidated, I feel like I'm making progress in terms of my credit (although I make very little compared to the amount I owe, my monthly payments are based on income, and I think that will help me when I start looking at car or home loans). Beyond those loans, I owe about $7000 at the most to to various past creditors, much of that debt being from the period of my marriage/divorce and I'm not even sure if it's on my credit report. So, I'm definitely going to get a copy of the report and start working on that. I want to talk to the REACH people too about getting counseling regarding day-to-day and longrange planning of finances. I know that I should be able to live on my salary, because although I'm in the 10th percentile for a librarian's pay, I don't shop a lot or have expensive tastes. My idea of splurging is a $8 book every few months. My trouble is for years I made even less, and then I also had a lot of mental health issues that affected my spending, procrastination of bills, getting late charges, bouncing cheques, etc., etc. The depression and anxiety issues are much better; the counseling I received in life skills and dealing with distress have helped immensely. But it's very hard, once you're behind, to get back to being ahead. I tried to have a friend help me, but rather than learning to plan and budget and the practical stuff I needed to know about finances, she basically saw it as something to take over control of for as long as it interested her, which was about three or four months. I need to know how best to plan so that maybe five or seven years down the road I could have a house, be making my payments on time, and saving for retirement whilst having some emergency funds, too. Until Dwana mentioned it, I'd never even heard the term 'mortgage points'. I've read some Suze Orman so I'm not quite as ignorant as I was. I've always been turned off by financial talk--it's up there with how I used to feel about opera or how I feel about golf. It's just not the focus of my world, and I'm not good at it. I don't believe everything should revolve around your finances or material worth. There's so much more in terms of sprituality, philosophy, public service, whatever. But I've reached a point in my life where I realise it's important to at least give the attention to finances necessary to provide the stabilty to pursue everything else. So here I am, 36 years old, and finally getting a clue about this stuff.

But it's just as well, because I'm finally to a point where I know where I want to be in life. For so long it was 'I want to be able to be on my own' or 'I want to not feel crazy anymore' or 'I want to be healthy'. Now I've achieved those goals, and so I can look forward to more stability. Also, for a long time I was really torn between the academic world and the outside world. For so long I hid in academia because it was comforting; it was the only thing I knew and the only thing I felt good at. I sold myself short in so many ways in terms of social interaction, especially (no wonder, with social phobia). Now, I realise I love being a librarian, I can be happy with being 'just' a librarian all my life, and being a librarian can really fulfill all those plethora of interests. I can be in academia as a librarian, of course--but if I do that it will be because I want to, not because I'm hiding out. Does that make any sense? I also realise that I actually (and who would have ever thought this possible???) have a gift for comforting people, for intereacting with them, for being 'the reasonable one', and for being 'the listener'. I'm even...gulp...beginning to think that I could have a future decent, functional, loving relationship with the right person. But even if I don't, I also realise I can be a competent adult on her own, with a little house and garden, who volunteers for worthy causes and does what she can to make the world a little brighter. And if I can do that, I'm a success, so there's no sense in thinking I'll ever be a failure, even though for years I felt just like that.

Oh, gee. That was a long rant about feelings. I think the upshot is I'm growing up, finally. And it feels good. Wow.

Hope you're having a nice weekend, although hopefully not too busy, whoever you are. 'Night for now.