I take a certain amount of pride

in gleaning news from all sorts of sources, whether barely more than headlines or in-depth exposé, and from different viewpoints, too, as that's really important. I like to know what's going on in the world, and sometimes I share it here, and sometimes I don't.

But as I read and listen lately, I feel a great sadness (and quite a bit of fear, too) washing over me. I used to believe that the world was pretty much as it used to be, only now there is a more immediate media presence these days so we know more of the horrors going on. It's not that there weren't dictators, child molesters, axe murderers, or any of that like years ago, it's that we get word about it 24/7 with things like live feeds on Facebook or Snapchat videos. And that is true to some extent. But the Nazi persecution of the Jews, for example, probably would have still happened even with social media and 24-hour news, because let's face it, there are plenty of haters and trolls online. Maybe exposure would have shocked the world into doing something, but in my experience, the world just goes on like it always does, and people die. Horrible things have happened throughout history; technology just makes it easier to chronicle (and sometimes, aids in the commission of heinous acts as well). If only we could put it to a better purpose, to prevent tragedies. And yes, some folks are trying. But it's the negative things in life, the shocking, the horrible, that gets attention, and I'm as guilty about that as anyone. Lately, though, it seems like the news each day is more horrible than the last. Oh, here and there you may find feel-good stories to satisfy a need to believe in the good of humanity, but most of it is negative. And while I do believe that the vast majority of humans are good people, I don't have faith in my fellow humans' ability to think critically or do something for the sake of right, as opposed to because there is something in it for them. People say they want truth--but they go out of their way to tell supposed 'white' lies to keep the wheels of society spinning, and sometimes they actually convince themselves that something is the opposite of how it is (or follow a leader who does, as if they were sheep). I listen to otherwise decent people who are making decisions that will affect it all as if they were voting for the most popular contestant on one of those reality shows. It makes me so sad to think that there are people who fear the authorities, either for good reasons (they might be shot) or ludicrous ones (t'he government's going to take all our guns away and make us vaccinate our children'). Even the lines between the sound and ridiculous reasons are blurring. I find myself reading the news with a desperation to find something good in the world each day. I'm not as optimistic as I once was. And talking to others only makes me feel worse. I don't have all the answers. I know that. But many people I know either regurgitate what they've seen on TV or decide they'll vote for candidate X without looking at platforms or real qualifications. It all comes down to 'I don't like Y, so I guess I have to vote for X'. I feel like our democracy is failing. It was never perfect, of course, but now?

Anyway, I could comment on half a dozen news stories tonight, ones that worried me, or outraged me, or left me incredulous, but instead I thought I'd just write about my feelings about what's going on in the world in general. Now, can I take a flashlight, get into my blanket fort, and colour like a kid? Because if being adult means being in a big scary world of hatred and vitriol, I'm not sure what the benefit of being all grown up is. Good night.

PS Brief synopsis of my day: busy at work, paid lots of bills (but not all, unfortunately), went to the allergist and discovered they have sublingual immunotherapy (yes, it's a thing), got my shots, went on the biggest grocery run I've gone on in months, had dinner with a friend, eating what we made yesterday--tabbouleh, eggplant paté, and salmon chowder. It was great. Then I helped wash up and came on home, checking the news and Facebook and just really not feeling great about the world right now. Perhaps tomorrow will be brighter, or at least I'll tell myself that. Things were simpler when I was in Lisa Land with the unicorns and dragonets.

Unless something changes in the meantime

I will not be going to work tomorrow. Our entire commonwealth is under a severe winter weather warning, and we are expecting up to and perhaps more than a foot of snow tomorrow. Now, according to the Weather Channel, it may not start until about the morning commute, but the problem is that while I might be able to get to work tomorrow morning, I most likely will not be able to get home. They're talking high winds in addition to the snow, causing a whiteout. Most everything is going to be closed, the garages downtown are free through Sunday to keep the cars off the snow routes there. I was told twice today by my boss that if I felt I could come in, that was one thing, but they didn't want anyone risking injury or death to be there, especially as I am non-essential personnel. Our clinic is lighter on Fridays, and while there were quite a few originally scheduled, there were already cancellations and I suspect there will be more. So I will most likely stay home to avoid getting stuck there, or if I do go, it'll be by bus. We already rescheduled my friend's appointment that was tomorrow, too.

After work today, I:

1. Got gas, filling up the tank. I went to the Euclid Speedway, which had gas at $1.58 a gallon even without any discount. I drove by Euclid's Kroger and it was crazy, with cars like vultures circling a kill. Because of that, there was no way to get to the bank that was next door.
2. I was, however, able to go by the Chinoe Kroger and get a roll of quarters for laundry from them. When I got there, the parking lot was busy, but I was able to get a spot near the edge of the lot. When I left, people were parking in strange places and circling around and around. I got the last cart before they brought more in (and they were doing that very quickly). I got some basics, including things that don't require power to make (I have an all-electric apartment), including a couple of items for my friends. The lines were backed up down the aisles, even though all the checkout lanes were open and running quickly. I didn't wait a long time, but I was about four or five back and there were at least another five or so behind me, and it was piling up further, with lines snaking around to the freezer section. I was lucky--I'd gone into work early, so I was able to leave early, so I beat a lot of the crowds. On the news tonight, they were showing the denuded shelves at Euclid's Kroger.

Then I went to my friends' house, dropped off the items, and my friend and I went to physical therapy. We got home about 8, recording the finale to 'Heroes Reborn'(we haven't watched the one before that yet). I fixed him some food, pilled the dogs, watched something with him as he ate, let the dogs out, fixed him tea, and then got home about 10 pm. Fortunately the snow hadn't started yet, so the roads were mostly dry till I got to my street, which is probably considered tertiary and to the best of my knowledge, has never seen a snow plough. But anyway, I put my windshield wipers up after I parked the car, brought the groceries in, etc., set the computer back up (I'd had it with me today), and ate some string cheese and the last bit of my pumpkin ice cream. My comma key is sticking for some reason. I'm not sure why.

Other things I did today:

1. Talked to someone at Time Warner Cable, who initially told me I could get my service back on for about $64, but then it quickly ballooned to a deposit and first month's payment in addition, so almost $200. It's not worth it. I pointed out that I had a hotspot through my cellular plan that gives 5GB of data just for that (my actual data plan on my phone is unlimited). I pay $10 a month extra for that, as opposed to $55 a month for monthly Internet from them. I've been using it, and I quite frankly came nowhere near that cap. So I feel confident letting the cable go. I'll take in the equipment and pay what I owe them, and that's that. Because of that, I'll have to cancel my Vonage phone, but I mainly use my cell phone anyway, and while they have been very good to me over the decade I've been with them, unfortunately it does require Internet to work, so that'll save me another $20 a month. The main drawback is that I can't watch Netflix on my TVs or laptop, as I don't think that 5GB cap would work if I were streaming programmes, but I mostly watch over at YKWIA's anyway. I am considering cancelling the DVD portion of my Netflix subscription, as we're not going through them quick enough to justify the money. I'll see about that. But if I do need Wi-Fi for anything, I can go across the street to the public library.
2. I rescheduled the appointment for tomorrow.
3. I added roadside assistance to my car insurance. My AAA is up for renewal, and it's simply too expensive compared to the dollar or so a month I'd pay through my insurance carrier. I also put in for a low mileage discount. In the three years I've had my car, I've put about 12,000 miles on it, and anything under 7,500 a year is considered eligible.
4. Checked with my allergist to see if I need new phials or if they're okay for now and at the practice. Everything's okay. I may have to go down to another phial, but they're good till April and there, so if I can go twice a week till then, I might use up most of them before they expire.

Okay, the news is off and Jimmy Fallon is on, so it's getting towards bedtime. Hope you have a safe time if you're in the path of this storm--some places are actually expecting up to two feet of snow. Good night.