Friendship

Friends connect for different reasons. I had a gnosis this morning in the shower. I've said before that my definition of friend is someone I can depend on and for whom I will be there as well. This is a bit oversimplified, but...D is the friend I can rely on to tell me the truth, no matter how harsh. Zabet is the friend that understands where I'm coming from--and understands that sometimes you just have to rant. P is the friend who cheers me. A is the friend who spurs me to action. And my newest friend, Dwana? She accepts me as I am. Maybe that's partly because she didn't through the roughest times with me (or at least I hope the roughest times are behind me). But the others--well, because they've seen me at my worst, I sometimes feel I can't escape that image. It's hard, even when you go through change, to change others images of you. But Dwana doesn't have that background. She sees me as I am now. She isn't blind to my faults--and I've tried to make sure she knows about most of them, seeing as she sometimes puts people on a pedestal. But somehow, even when I'm feeling bitchy, I somehow seem to feel like transcending pettiness to a better place when she's around. I think having all these wonderful people in my life, with all their special qualities, help keep me on an even keel. I hope I do the same for them, although I'm not sure what my main function is. And if you mix it up with a mother who shared my childhood and in some ways we sort of banded to survive life with my dad--well, it all works out well. She still sees me as her little girl, but she sees me as a woman, too, ,and I think she's proud of me, though she naturally worries.

I guess all in all I'm kind of blessed.

And speaking of my mom, I got home tonight and listened to a message from her. And all I can is:

To all those health professionals who told me at age 19 that there was no reason to check my blood sugar when I was getting sleepy/shaky in the afternoons, because no one close to me had diabetes:

My maternal great-grandmother died of a diabetic stroke. A great-grandmother on my father's side was"borderline diabetic" (an obsolete term, really) whose parents and every single brother were diabetic. Not close enough? When I was 19, my mother was 39, my grandmother was 62. Now my grandmother has a very brittle form of diabetes and is on insulin. I was put on metformin because my insulin was mucking with my hormones, and now a diabetes educator says that since I've spiked above 200 I'm diabetic. My mom's sister went in for a routine pap and was sent home on insulin because hers was over 300. My mom's boyfriend, who is himself a diabetic, has been insisting that her blood sugar has been off, because he's noticed the same symptoms. The doctors kept saying, after giving her glucose tolerance tests, that there's no problem. Today she's officially diabetic. Not close to me? Every freaking relative within two degrees of relation to me with the exception of my uncle is diabetic. That was an idiotic statement seventeen years ago. It is now, too. The nurse I talked to had the right of it. People with normal endocrine systems just don't spike much above the "normal" levels. It doesn't matter if it's 180 or 400 in terms of a malfunction--just in terms of the damage that can be caused. They talk about how many people have diabetes but don't know it. I think the health profession sometimes ignores all the signs, too. It's not just ignorance on the patient's part. I'm lucky, I'm younger at my diagnosis, and I've been on medicine long before I was considered diabetic. There are still people out there who think kids can't be Type II diabetic. Wrong. And granted, some of it is diet and sedentary lifestyle. But it's also in the genes. I just wish they'd listen to the patient once in awhile. This is one thing I didn't want to share with my mom. Grrr.... At least she's a nurse and has had a diabetic husband (who lost a leg and then had a massive heart attack and died--every time I want to go hog wild, I think of him, or my great-grandmother needing help to thread a needle). Diabetes is scary, but because it's so common these days people act like it's a lark. Hell, even I try to deny how much I need to consider it in life. My grandmother lives by her medicine schedule and frets over every morsel of food. I've done the same, although at some point I decided that I didn't want it to rule me. Still it's a fine line to balance on.

So, Momma, welcome to the club, unfortunately. At least we've bred our very own support group. :) Love and hope--Lisa.