How to get absolutely insane blood sugar readings on a blood stick

I was dreaming a vivid dream of a group of five waifs in a hospital with a traditional Celtic harp, something you might see on the Hallmark channel, and I came awake suddenly. It was after 1 pm, so I thought I should probably go ahead and eat something. I poured some soda into a glass and took the bag from Kroger with the bread, peanut butter, and no-sugar-added spreadable fruit inside and took it over to the computer, at which time I discovered the lid of the fruit had popped off and it had oozed into the bag and over the other things. I got a few sticky places on my hand, but didn't think much about it, made the sandwich, set everything else aside to deal with later, and went to take my blood sugar. It read 'HI'. It never reads 'HI'. I've been 460 before in real life, but this seemed very odd. Then I took it again and in a different finger and it it said '467'. But I didn't feel high. So I washed my hands, changed the lancet, and retook it. '177', a little high, but I hadn't taken any insulin yet today, either, and I'd had that one no-sugar-added Klondike bar. It sounded much more correct. So I'm getting ready to take all of my meds, and it doesn't look like I'm heading for a sugar coma. Lesson of the day: always wash your hands before taking a glucose reading. :)