I called 911 about 2:15 am this morning and I was in the ER from about 2:45 am till noon, not for me, then came home, let the dogs out, fed everyone including me, napped for about an hour, got things together and took them back over to the hospital, and then came back home, where I started my laundry to make sure I had clothes for tomorrow and then made about eight phone calls. I was exhausted. It was time to feed them and take them out again, so I did, and then I put the clothes in the dryer and just crashed on the bed with the two dogs (we take up the whole bed, which is only full-sized.
It's 2:08 am. 24 hours of stress and trying to get everything finished that needs to be while balancing that with my medicine, food, and sleep. Tomorrow's a workday and right now I plan to go, but I'm so tired. My eyes are bleary and I'm still in my clothes (although at some point at least I got a shower). I really am burning the candle at both ends.
And I'm scared. Really scared. I'm holding up pretty well considering a week ago I was having suicidal thoughts. My doctor adjusted my medicine and it seems to be helping. But my support system outside of anyone directly affected already is a couple of friends, my work lunch bunch, a couple of other co-workers and usually my online friends (which, while not really 'friends', with the exception of a few librarians I've never met, are all people I know personally or family. But I can't share this on Facebook due to respect for privacy. So I texted and messaged my work buddies called my friends, and I've pretty much reached out as best I can. I even checked in with my aunt and uncle in other states. But I recognise that while I'm physically fairly healthy, I'm kind of fragile emotionally and I need to be on my guard for any issues that might be triggered by it.
So anyway, that's what's going on. I've spent 15 hours in the ER in the last week, and it's taken a toll. But I'm trying to be strong and not fall apart. I'll fall apart after the crisis if need be. In the meantime, I've been told I should read Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, two Stoic philosophers, for a little insight.