This got me thinking about high school tonight

From Facebook:

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school. This was kind of fun to think about!

The year was: 1984
1. Did you know your spouse? No.
2. Did you car pool to school? No, I walked through a cemetery.
3. What kind of car did you have? None--I didn't get my first car till I was 21.
4. What kind of car do you have now? Ford Taurus
5. It is Friday night... Football or basketball game? Neither. I wasn't into sports.
6. What kind of job did you have in high school? Docent at a local historical home.
7. What kind of job do you have now? Librarian/Data Entry Clerk.
8. Were you a party animal? I didn't even know how. Still don't.
9. Were you considered a jock? Hahahahaha.
10. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? No.
11. Were you a nerd? Yes. Definitely. Thank goodness geeks finally became somewhat chic.
12. Did you get suspended or expelled? No, I was a 'good girl'.
13. Can you sing the fight song? Not anymore. College yes, high school, no.
14. Who was your favorite high school teacher? Mr Don Hoffman (Chemistry & Physics), Mr Jim Moore (Math), and Mrs Alice Shelburne (English).
15. Where did you sit for lunch? Usually in the hall reading. I didn't eat lunch.
16. What was your school's full name? Danville High School
17. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Hell, no.
18. Did you have fun at prom? I didn't go
19. Do you still talk to your prom date? I didn't go.
20. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? No. I chickened out of my 30th.
21. Are you still in contact with people from school? Just Angela L Allen from Danville (I went the first two years in Belle Plaine, Kansas, and I keep up with some of my classmates from there, like Deana Full and Cj Applegate Stonehocker).
22. What are/were your school's colors? Blue and white.

I even pulled out my senior yearbook and memory book, because I was trying to remember the full name of one of my teachers. And you know what struck me? There are three people who signed my yearbook--the three teachers mentioned in the post. Just them. That's because I was incredibly shut down during my junior and senior years of high school, and barely talked to any of my classmates. My parents were divorcing, and it was incredibly difficult for me to deal with. I was living with my mom and grandparents, having left a school where I knew everyone, even though I was geeky and not particularly popular. I don't think I even participated in anything my junior year, when I moved back to Danville. But I rebounded enough to be in Academic Bowl, Spanish Club, the National Honor Society, and Future Homemakers of America in my senior year.

I don't know if the picture conveys it, but I was a very shy girl with terrible self-esteem, who spend most of her time inside books or in her own head, mostly making up stories I hoped one day to write. I felt so fat, so awkward. One of my classmates made fun of me, calling me 'Orez'--zero spelled backwards. I look at this girl now and she seems pretty and intelligent, and pretty together, all things considered. Why do we never see ourselves like that at the time?

I didn't go to my 30th reunion--or any other reunion, for that matter. I never felt that connected to my fellow students back then, after all, and I doubted anyone would remember me or care to know how my life has gone. Even now, with the maturity of age and all I've learned, I still feel like that shy girl sometimes, and I feel like I didn't live up to her potential. I was talking to YKWIA the other day, and he said something that kind of shocked me at the time, how he thought I'd lived up to about what he expected. I was shocked, because, well, I guess I thought I'd failed to live up to where I thought I should be. He pointed out that considering the various hurdles I've had, I've done pretty well, and I should be proud of what I've accomplished. He's right, of course. But it still shocked me a bit, because, well, most people don't tell the truth like he does, and certainly not so bluntly. But it's one of the things I value in him as a friend, after all. :)

Okay, I think I'm going to go on to bed--enough of travelling down memory lane. Good night!