This is one of those perennial e-mails wending through the net...

But it's still funny. :) Need a laugh? Read on...(PS I haven't taken the time to verify all of these, but I remember some making the news at the time they were uttered. If any are really misrepresentative, I'll be glad to take them down.)

Sage quotes:
Question: If you could live forever, would you and
why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we
should not live forever, because if we were supposed to
live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd
love to be skinny like that, but not with all those
flies and death and stuff,"
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.
We are the president,"
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new
land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
--John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds
could go one way or another"
--George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean
air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was
radically different from the truth. I assisted in
furthering that version,"
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March
1992 because we received notice that you passed away.
May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change
in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night.
And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman