Unshelved by Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum
comic strip overdue media

Tuesday, February 05, 2002

Hello, all. Just in case you're wondering where I've been, I took a bit of a holiday--literally. It's Imbolc, you see. Feast of Bridget, beginning of Celtic Spring, the beginning of lambing/calving season, etc., etc. It mostly survives as Candlemas, where Catholics have the candles to be used in the coming year blessed, and in the U.S., as Groundhog's Day. Personally, I think it's more civilised to light candles, celebrate with friends, and eat lots of dairy foods than to dress up in top hats and tails, take some poor woodchuck out of his burrow (they hibernate this time of the year, you know), and hold the poor creature up for the crowd to cheer, then say he was afraid of his own shadow. In the old days, they might at least have made a meal out of him, but no, they just chuck him back in his burrow and expect him to go back to sleep. How many of you would like this, I ask you? And before you start sending me hate mail about sacrificing groundhogs, let me just say for the record that I'm a vegetarian, and while I'm a pagan, my sacrifices are limited to libations of wine, pomegranates, honey, that sort of thing.

Anyway, we indeed feasted on Friday at Zabet's and her hubby's, gorging on all sorts of dairy foods--homemade butter, a ricotta torte, a great creamy tomato soup, cheesecake, and the most important dish of all, flaming cheese!!! :) Okay, you may not see that as wonderful, but lighting your food and watching it glow in the dark is a tradition with us. The food was great, and the cooks really outdid themselves. We talked about lots, including Zabet and hubby's ideas for a website (check out her blog for details).

Having dutifully stuffed myself on Friday evening, I spent most of Saturday barely able to move. Have I mentioned I'm allergic to dairy foods? Normally it's not a big deal, but I overdid it. Note: This is a statement of fact and not a plea for sympathy--I knew what I was doing when I did it. Since my friends have listened to my hypochondriac "If I eat this I'll anaphylax and die" I know I do not deserve sympathy. However, I judiciously chose that day to rest, and felt better on Sunday. I was helped in this by the fact that I have a couch, a wonderful couch, given to me by my workplace since they had to get rid of the thing and I've been begging for it for four years. It's 90 inches long and v-e-r-y comfortable. No more watching TV on the floor! The dog and cats love it too. I slept the first couple of nights on it. I know--I need to get a life. A couch should probably not cause that much joy. But, it also means I finally have a place for people to sit when they come and visit, which means they might do so more frequently.

Sunday I game with some friends. We have a campaign that's gone on for almost 11 years. We're trying something different, a blend of Call of Cthulhu and Aeon Trinity. I didn't get home until late only to find that two of my friends were breaking up. (See Zabet's blog for details), but by the time I was able to get a hold of them, they weren't so I guess all is okay, at least for now.

Monday was DBT time, or as one friend puts it, time for me to go to Borderline Land. I came back very unsatisfied, mostly because I'd had a quiet, decent, non-crisisy week, and everyone else was emoting about their problems. Borderlines love attention, and I wasn't getting any, and since I felt left out, I just found everyone else to be annoying. (I'd like to say I was saner than usual, but it doesn't sound like I was doing well, hmm?) If I'm really trying to connect with someone, I try to emphasise good things they've done, or suggest different things they might try, and unfortunately that actually threatens some people. I don't want to solve their problems, and I think that's how they see it--like I don't think they're capable of doing it, when really, I just think that if they faced the problem, they'd feel more in control. A therapist told me going into DBT that my biggest problem would be wanting to play "co-counselor", or feeling like I wasn't needing the counseling so much as everyone else. She sure pegged it. But I realise that this same sort of emotion-laden/crisis-to-crisis/rollercoaster is what I'm like most of the time--it was just a better week for me than usual. I can see why people lose patience with me. I've been lucky to have friends who point out when I'm being irrational, so I can't just escape into my own mind and act like the rest of the world is weird. So on Monday I wasn't being borderline enough to satisfy my psyche, but not sane enough not to resent everyone else. Sigh. Well, I'm kind of failing the whole actually-connect-with-my-fellows thing, but I'm doing better with people in my daily life, and I guess that's what counts. :) Besides, one thing I realised Monday was that when we are in the throes of crisis, things get so magnified, and sometimes it's just a matter of stepping back and putting it all into perspective--to gain the same sort of objectivity that someone else might see. Psychologists would say that's going into "wise mind". So, I guess the session was good after all.

Well, that pretty much brings you up to date with my life, with the exception of two brief happy things: 1) I got my state refund cheque today (yeah!) (the federal one should come in tomorrow--electronic filing is a wonderful thing!) and 2) my DSL equipment has arrived. Okay, it hasn't quite made it to me--UPS would only deliver to me in person, but not at a time when I can receive it, so I made arrangements to go pick it up. But soon....I will be on broadband (drumbeat ensues). Catch you next time.

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