Fourth meditation

Let it be thy earnest and incessant care as a Roman and a man to perform whatsoever it is that thou art about, with true and unfeigned gravity, natural affection, freedom and justice: and as for all other cares, and imaginations, how thou mayest ease thy mind of them. Which thou shalt do; if thou shalt go about every action as thy last action, free from all vanity, all passionate and willful aberration from reason, and from all hypocrisy, and self-love, and dislike of those things, which by the fates or appointment of God have happened unto thee. Thou seeest that those things, which for a man to hold on in a prosperous course, and to live a divine life, are requisite and necessary, are not many, for the gods will require no more of any man, that shall but keep and observe these things.

It is so very difficult for me to act. Part of that is that I have ADHD, so it is very hard to concentrate on any one action. I think of something else, and it's gone. The thought evaporates, and so the action never comes. That's not all of it. I overthink every action and choice I make. That is the anxiety speaking--the monkey chatter as my therapist likes to put it. In this meditation, Marcus Aurelius basically says you have to get rid of all that and focus on the task at hand without all the different things that go with it. You can see a very simple task to be done right then once and forever, and then move on to the next task. I once said a long time ago that I was a multitasker, which was totally untrue. My friend still makes fun of me for that.

On the other hand, I get into trouble at work, for not multitasking enough to produce the numbers they want,  even though they can't explain why the numbers are lower than those of others. Basically, because I know that I lose an action so quickly even though I mean to do it, I do it right then or at the very least make a note so that I can go back without losing that idea in my head and not performing the action. Apparently, other people do three things at once. The Emperor is on my side I think. What he says is to do not only the action without all of the trappings of overthinking of hypocrisy,y of self-aggrandizement but to do it in a true and unfeigned gravity. In other words do this in a pure state of mind without any distortion in terms of what others want, what the Gods want, how you think about it, that's the thing. It doesn't mean not talking about it or thinking about it.

It just means that you should do the action for its sake without all the monkey cheddar. Which I think is very wise. I hope to include that in my future actions, and not try to multitask but rather do one action as quickly as necessary, move on to the next action or notate it so that I can come back to it, but most importantly be one in the moment of that action.