Unshelved	by Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum

Well, I've been putting in applications

at retail places, at UK for clerical jobs, and now a library job and a job at KET for a promotion assistant. I've found that my library career has given me a lot of skills that do translate if you're creative in how you look at things. For example, I've done library marketing along with my writing and editing work (the first published, the second volunteer), so I think I've fulfilled the requirements for the KET job nicely, and one of the UK jobs is also primarily writing and editing, except its for medical and scientific articles. I've also learned a lot about computers and databases along the way, which several jobs require.

Surely someone has got to hire me. Right?

Eilir raved on 09:23 Links to this post

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Note to self

This year, when it is time to pack up the library's holiday tree, do not just fold it up and put it in the box with the lights still on it. This is now the second time I've done this, and it's a devil to untangle when you take them back out.

So, I have a nice little tree on my desk with steady and blinking lights, plastic icicles (we're not allowed to have glass for obvious reasons) and ornaments made out of Little Golden Books (a legacy from a previous employee). It's a simple tree but has a nice library theme, and it's very cheerily perched on my desk.

It's been warmer during the day but very windy, the type of wind that just blows right through you. Even though it's technically not winter, we're not far away, and the weather is reflecting that.

I have a lot on my mind regarding some personal issues and my lack of interpersonal skills. I'm a little depressed today as a result. I think I've been annoying my friends far too much by basically being a self-centred git. Must do what I can to salvage that.

That's all for now. Ta.

Eilir raved on 09:12 Links to this post

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Am I jinxed?

Let's see, in the last couple of days I have:

• cut the bottom of my foot on glass
  
• gotten the creeping crud of sinus/sore throatness
  
• twisted an ankle
  

It's the turkey spirits, I tell you. :)

Anyway, I'm glad to be going back to work after a really nice time off. Hope your weekend was safe and happy. Now I need to catch up on lots of e-mails and see about decorating the library for the holidays.

Eilir raved on 09:52 Links to this post

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In a holiday mood

I actually wound up seeing the movie today. They changed a lot of things; I’m not sure if I’m quite happy with the changes, but I understand most of them. Dumbledore did not seem in character; he was too angry. Mad-Eye Moody was a gem. Cedric Diggory was perfectly cast. The film has its own character separate from the book; there were quite a few suggestive scenes. But all and all I wouldn’t put it up against the book, which is superior. I’ve been re-reading it, and this time the Quidditch World Cup didn’t seem to take forever and the pacing seemed better than I remembered it. I was rather shocked that it cost $28.50 for two tickets and the works. Like I said, it’s been awhile since I went to a movie, and even longer since I treated. But if it’s that bad for a matinee, I’d hate to see what a night showing would have been like. And they wonder why people aren’t going to the cinema as much as the studios would like. It’s much cheaper to rent and watch at home, and you don’t have to worry about being squished in chairs next to a lot of other people or drinks spilling on your stuff. Still, I’m glad I saw it there.

Tonight I finished decorating for the holidays. I have icicle lights and holographic snowflakes in the window, the snowflake lights above the hall entry, a few coloured lights swagging across the divider between my living and dining room, where they’re caught by the mirrored baubles that normally hang there and the mirrors on the paintings that take up one wall to the living room. Instead of buying a tree this year (I usually get a potted Norfolk Virginia pine, which lasts one-three years, but lately I just kill them after the season) I bought a foot-tall aromatic rosemary cone, because one it was cheaper, two I’ve raised rosemary indoors successfully before, and three because it just smells nice. I put a tiny 20 light string on it, and the warmth of the lights causes the room to fill with scent. I got some tiny ornaments and a mini star topper and garland. It looks quite festive despite the small size. I’m thinking about having our Secret Santa party over at my apartment; it’s in good shape after I had all that time off earlier this week.

I think I’m either coming down with a cold or just have really bad sinus drainage bothering my throat. I’ve also had to use my inhaler for the first time in months, about three times in the past twenty-four hours. That’s usually the first sign for me. So I have some Ricola cherry honey drops and I’m hoping it clears up soon. I’ve felt kind of cruddy (like that feeling you get when you’re coming down with a virus) on and off all day, like I might have a low-grade fever but at the same time I’m not warm to the touch. So, I don’t know, I just hope I feel better tomorrow. I’ve also been a little dizzy. Again, it might just be sinus stuff. Let’s hope so.

I went to Meijer hoping to fill out an application, but their computers are down on Saturday nights for maintenance, so it was a no go. Oh well, I’ll just have to go back.

I’ve been thinking about things I’d like for Yule. I didn’t as a rule ask for things as a child; I just thought that was wrong. I did ask for Lincoln Logs at age 13 because my mom had confided that she’d always wanted to play with them. But this year I’m making a list of things I like but wouldn’t normally buy for myself or things I need and may not have the money for them yet.
On the list (in no particular order):

• A digital camera—nothing fancy, just something to play with and it would allow me to post more pictures here. [Update 12/27: Half of the money I got from my mom went for this.]
  
• A DVD player—yeah, I know, they’re getting really cheap. I sometimes feel like the only person on the planet without one. On the other hand, then I’d have to buy DVDs, right? [Update: 12/15 won one in a door prize drawing]
  
• Towels—I own three, none in a set, and none of those hand towels you put out for people to use (of course, that’s only an issue if I ever get visitors).
  
• Bedding (Queen)—I have one set of sheets, which isn’t quite adequate.
  
• >A tyre—I’m down to driving without a spare. [Update 12/27: Half of the money I got from my mom will go for this.]
  
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince--Yes, I’ve read it, but I don’t own it. [Update: 12/27 Got a Joseph-Beth gift card that will go to this.]
  
• An iron/ironing board--I've been told I often look rumpled. [Update 12/22: a friend has offered a long-time loan on his iron/board since he doesn't use them.]
  
• Gloves, hat, and scarf—I seem to wear these out or lose them. Black is nice, as I have a purple coat and a blue one. Although I could probably knit a set for myself, I suppose. [Update 12/9: Got from my Secret Santa, C]
  
• An aquarium light—Mine has died.
  
• Earrings—I have one or two pairs that are still intact. Small or dangly are fine.
  

That’s all I can think of. I have a Secret Santa series of gifts to get and shopping for Christmas, Yule, and Chanukah. I can’t really splurge much, but I should be able to get at least a small gift for each person, without resorting to my all-time low point, when I gave people a labradorite marble for Yule. (Yes, that’s gone down in infamy, let me tell you).

Well, it’s late, so I should wrap up. It’ll be a little weird going back to work after having a whole week off. I’m glad I took the time, though—I’d never taken that much off at once before.

Eilir raved on 23:49 Links to this post

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Ah, bliss.

This morning I woke up in a puppy pile, with Cerys cuddled up to me and Darius on top of Cerys, pressed up against me. It was remarkably comfortable, at least for me. Cerys seems somewhat dubious about this bizarre cat who insinuates himself with her at every opportunity.

It was about dawn when I awoke, so when I took Cerys out the sky was a marvelous deep bluish-purple, with the trees in stark silhouette and the marsh reflecting light. The birds were stirring, too, and the morning star and waning moon shone brightly in the sky. It was very beautiful, a time of day I usually miss. I suppose if I had money to burn I would have been up early enough for the post-Thanksgiving sales, but really, who wants to deal with the crowds, and the deals are usually gobbled up absolutely early.

Thanksgiving went very well. It was good to see my family again. My mother had been really worried because they couldn’t reach me earlier this week. At one point she sent John up to Lexington to look for me with food and gas and phone money, but he couldn’t find me. We apparently just missed each other twice. I’d left a message on Sunday that I was coming home and that I couldn’t be contacted until Wednesday, but they didn’t get the message. So like a mom, she worried. Not that I’d wish her to but it’s nice to know people get concerned if they don’t know what you’re up to. Another person forgot I was off work and when I didn’t respond to calls reached another friend who let him know what I was up to. Again, it’s nice to know that if something did happen to me, there’d be a posse of people trying to find me. I really do appreciate it, all of you.

My grandmother gets frailer and frailer with every year, and she struggled to get dinner on the table and actually accepted help, which is rare for her. She’d been up since 6 am cooking. We had a nice visit. I was struck (and she brought it up) that this might be the last Thanksgiving we have together. Her mortality seemed almost palpable. Of course, any of us could die at any moment, but when you’re in your eighties and having trouble getting around, it seems more imminent. Although we’re entirely too much alike in some ways to truly get along on a daily basis, I love her very much and a part of my life would be empty without her. I hope that her death is put off for a long while, but still, I feel a nagging and made sure to tell her I love her and otherwise have a pleasant time where we shared some quality time.

One thing that was different this year is that I partook of the feast fully for the first time in fifteen years, meaning I ate turkey and dressing and giblet gravy. I’ve been eating turkey and chicken very occasionally for a couple of months, having determined that if I were hungry enough I could kill a bird. That was always my guide; I should be responsible for my food, and be willing to kill something for it. I had not shared my renewed meat eating with someone and he’s been razzing me quite a bit. I think he’s looking for farms where they’d let me kill my own chicken or turkey just to prove I would. I haven’t described myself as a vegetarian in awhile, although I was a pesce-vegetarian (I eat fish—I’ve killed fish before) for fifteen years. In my family, chickens were raised and eaten regularly, although I don’t recall ever actually watching someone kill a chicken, although I’ve seen them right after they were killed.

I found myself really contemplating whether or not I could kill a bird last night as I lay awake in bed. I was strangely not sleepy although I’d had very little rest the night before, and I think I only managed to fall asleep because of the BuSpar I take at night. I really imagined the process as graphically as possible—the blood, the noise, etc. I don’t think I could ring a chicken’s neck—that takes skill, and I’d want to kill it as humanely as possible. I could chop the head off, although with my penchant for accidents I’d as likely get my hand or fingers trying to do it (and I suppose some would say it served me right). I do think I could shoot a duck without any real trouble, although of course that’s killing from a distance, so maybe it wouldn’t really count. If this seems really gruesome, just remember that the poultry in neat little packages at the store does come from something alive, something that once had a heart beat, even a modicrum of personality. We’ve become divorced from our food, and even worse, factory farming makes it inhumane how they are treated before they die for our sustenance. I definitely prefer local produce or free-ranging birds if I can get them.

I really examined whether I was rationalising things or if I were thinking them out and coming up with a valid conclusion. In the end I decided the latter. I would follow through with that test if given it, and that would settle it once and for all. Of course, I’m the one who went hysterical for nearly an hour when I accidentally hit a cat (I suppose that means I could eat cats, since I have killed one, right?) So we’ll see. In the meantime, I may continue to eat poultry occasionally, and try to make sure the bulk was humanely raised. I still want to ‘walk gently’ in terms of resources, to use a sort of New Agey term.

That conundrum being settled (at least for now, I may vacillate some more, I often do), back to Thanksgiving itself. My mom gave me some jars of tomatoes and green beans she’d put up this summer, some canned fruit and pinto beans. Then she headed back home to get some rest before working another night shift. I stayed and visited with my grandmother (and her spoiled rotten tiny dog, Beau) until nearly dark. We ate again and that’s when I think I nearly overdid it. I took some pie back home with me and some fruit the church had brought her. Then I headed back to Lexington. Oddly enough I was more relaxed driving back in the dark than I’d been on the way home. I guess there’s always a little trepidation at the thought of family gatherings and whether they’ll go well. But our visit went really well, and I’d gotten down there pretty early and been able to help a little with dinner, so that was good.

Once I got back to Lexington I stopped at a Wal-Mart supercentre (I knew they were open from the circulars in the paper) and filled out their long job application on the gizmo they provided which had an awkward keyboard and trackball, but I eventually got through the thing. I checked the price of new tyres (about $35-80 for my vehicle) and managed to find a pair of pumps with heels I can walk in for about $7 for interviews and black walking shoes that would be good for normal days at work for about $10. My old ones had the sole pulling away, and my dress shoes (if you can call Mary Janes dress shoes) were all scuffed and had lost all cushion and were hurting my feet. I guess they’re both about three years old so new ones were overdue. Finally I got home, but I remained productive.

I went through some job listings last night and got several leads on part-time and full-time work that might help. I figure working a job from about 5pm-11pm several nights a week and Saturday would go a long way to help me financially, plus I really want to be working full-time again (if not in one job, then at least several ?). Tomorrow I think I’ll hit several stores in the area to see if I can apply for seasonal work; they appear to still be hiring.

Last night I watched a mystery on PBS and then straightened up the house quite a bit and attended to the aquarium, which needed a lot of water. I did the dishes, got the recyclables together, and rearranged some things, like putting a light over by the aquarium that I can have shine down on it (my aquarium light has died). I’m having trouble with my clock, which got off of level when I put a nail in the wall below it and now I’m having trouble keeping it running, but I’ll eventually get it going.

I did have a nasty surprise at some point when I stepped on a piece of glass that was inexplicably in the living room. It bled profusely, and I had to get my first aid kit from the car. I managed to bleed on the linoleum and on the carpet. Anyone know how to get blood off carpet? It’s not very much, but I don’t want it to set, either.

Today I’m going to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but beyond that I haven’t made any plans. I’m interested to see what they’ve done with the movie. I’m going to a matinee. I can’t remember the last time I went to the cinema. I feel like I’m being a little indulgent, but one’s got to have a little fun sometime, right? I’m in good shape right now in terms of food, phone, and gas—I went and got that gas card and still have enough for another fill up, plus the trip home didn’t use too much, as it’s only about 45 minutes away, so one movie won’t break the bank, hopefully.

I started writing this at dawn and now the sun is up and shining. I’ll post this when next I’m at a computer with an internet connexion. I wish I could afford to get one; it would help with some of my work and I’m more likely to be on the computer than, say, watch TV. I miss being connected. Insight has some very affordable plans, and if I can get another job (or just get a little more caught up in some of my finances) I might be able to justify getting that and a phone. Having a phone that I can actually chat on without worrying about ploughing through minutes would be great, and of course, useful in the job hunting process. But every time I think I’m at a point to afford it, something else really takes precedence, like medicine, doctor visits, or groceries. ?

Well, I hope your Thanksgiving went well, assuming you celebrate it. I’ll return on Monday. Until then, this is the Rabid Librarian, signing off. It’s time to get going and pick up some medicine before going to the movie. Take care.

Eilir raved on 10:47 Links to this post

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By the way

I don't think I'm meant to write a novel in a month. Maybe in a year, but not in a month. I have written on my NaNoWriMo piece throughout the month, but I don't think I'm beyond say 3,000 words out of 50,000. I'm thinking it would probably make a better short story, anyway. But maybe I should stop trying to do this every November.

Still, it is a worthwhile endeavour, and the people who run it are about $10,000 in debt right now, so if you have some money and want to see it go to a good cause, head over their way.

I wonder if there's a T-shirt for most NaNoWriMo attempts without successful completion?

Oh, well, I seriously doubt I'll write enough to make it this year. But a girl can dream. For the rest of you dilligently typing along, good luck and congratulations.

Eilir raved on 12:05 Links to this post

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I'm having trouble corpsing

mainly in that when I try to upload my contribution to Exquisite Corpse things keep locking up. Since it's unlikely I'll get it figured out by the time it's due, I went ahead and relinquished my place in the corpse and set it to not playing for the holiday.

Oh, well, at least I'll be able to see the finished one sans my contribution.

Today has been rather pleasant although it's fairly cold and snowflakes come down every few minutes like the sky is spitting them out of a machine that's having trouble getting going.

I'm at the library, of course, and I'm about to make the trip to work to get my cheque. The main problem, of course, is that if I do run out of gas, my phone has no minutes on it, so yes, I can call AAA, but not without walking somewhere and begging the use of a telephone, as I also don't have enough change for a pay phone. Have I mentioned that my hazard lights don't work? Sigh. Oh, well, it will get better. Who knows, I might just make it to where I can get my cheque cashed, at which point I'll have money and be within walking distance of a gas station. :)

Things that have rambled through my mind...

walking here yesterday I noticed that the car lot across the street had taken down all their locust trees. I got to see how dark the stumps were; locust wouldn't even need staining, it's so dark. It was rather sad, though, they were all obviously healthy trees, as the area was littered with their pods. It seemed somehow wrong to have them left behind, especially as they'll not be allowed to grow. But perhaps somewhere new growth will spring up from them. It reminds me of all the white hair I still had on my clothes months after Spock died.

Darius has been very loving whilst I've been off, taking every opportunity to sleep on me that he can. He's very unlike the hiding standoffish cat of years ago. Today he was just purring for a long time; I took awhile to get going because I didn't want to interrrupt him...it's so rare he really all-out purrs.

I just remembered I forgot to take my ADDerall today. Maybe that's why my mind seems to be going in lots of directions at once.

The main song I'm listening to these days is Alanis Morissette's cover of 'Crazy'. I don't know why, I just like it better than Seal's, maybe because I can actually understand the words better. Not that they're supposed to make much sense, of course. I tend to agree that in the world today we're all a little crazy, or ought to be. Anything else is just too boring.

What else? Well, I can't really think of anything right now. Just wanted to check in. I think I'll do a bit of book browsing and then head into work where hopefully I'll get there without any nasty interruptions. :)

Eilir raved on 11:43 Links to this post

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I'm on vacation

so I don't have ready access to the Internet, but I did walk over to the library this morning to post, mainly because I've been over 24 hours without human contact and was starting to get a little stir crazy.

The only bad thing about taking off is yes, I have time to do stuff, but I don't have any gas or money, so I'm pretty much stuck at home. I did go to the game on Sunday thanks to B, who gave me a ride. We're ramping up to trying to prevent (another) apocalypse, this time with one of her characters threatening to go to the bad, and we're doing what we can to keep that from happpening, but so far we've been marching slowly towards it.

So what have I been doing at home? Actually a bit of cleaning, some writing and work for distance learning, a lot of sleeping, and I'm re-reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in anticipation of seeing the movie soon.

Tomorrow will be busy because I get paid and I'm going to try to get my paycheque, pay my electricity, and pay some other debts. I can't pick up the cheque until 2 and of course many places will close early due to the impending holiday. My car's gone 32 miles on the gas light (the longest I've let it go), which gives me a certain amount of trepidation, although I do have AAA Plus, so if I run out of gas they'll bring me some. Still, I'd rather not do that because you only get 4 breakdowns a year and I've already had two flat tyres in the last month. :) I don't think the Plus gives you any more service calls, but just affects what they'll do when called. Which reminds me, I need to pick up the AAA gas card that let's you save four percent on gas and other purchases at one of our local station franchises before I fill up for Thanksgiving's trip home to see everyone. At least gas has been under $2 lately. I had a little less money to play with because the AAA membership is coming out of November's pay, so that's the main reason I came down to just having a few cents after paying my rent. But tomorrow's cheque should help me get going again.

Well, if I can I'll post again tomorrow. The library is one of those things that close early, but I may come over in the morning again. If not, and you do celebrate Thanksgiving, happy holiday. And if not, and you're wondering where the Rabid Librarian is, that's why the posts will be spotty this week.

Eilir raved on 10:45 Links to this post

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Happy Birthday to D!

Here's a wish for health and happiness in the coming year.

Eilir raved on 13:26 Links to this post

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Sad

Teasing and taunting led girl to end her life - 3/7/01

This story came up in a forum I was reading. I hadn't heard about it, mainly because I'm not plugged into much of the Wiccan or neo-Pagan sites.

Those of us who choose Paganism as a religion often feel like outsiders already. For a child who was trying to feel her way into adulthood, I can see where her religion and dress were both ways of expressing something inside and also that which marked her as different, liable for taunts and worse. The Tempest Smith case brings up a lot of questions about bullying, about tolerance for other faiths, about depression in youth, and about the loss that happens in the confluence of all of these.

Remembering the Tempest Smiths of the world might help bring us to greater tolerance though. I hope so, anyway.

Eilir raved on 10:57 Links to this post

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The fate of medical libraries?

Library Journal has this article by Cheryl R. Banick about the need to market our libraries and prevent the dissolution and reductions being seen today.

Eilir raved on 10:30 Links to this post

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Okay, there are a lot of broken links

but this is my starting point for some of those ancient history links. http://eawc.evansville.edu/essays/grpage.htm.
So I'm saving it for future reference. I also found this collection of Greek authors.

A friend and I had a discussion the other night about passion, and he pointed out there is nothing I'm absolutely passionate about, and I have to agree. But the past, the study of history, people, and languages...that comes closest of all. Still, I think he'd say, and again, he's probably right, that like books and food, I find the past comforting and surround myself with it more from a need for security rather than true passion.

I have to admit, the fact that I am so detached emotionally from the stuff of life is worrisome to me, and I'd like to fall right head over hills in love or evoke strong emotions for something I love, but I can't. I don't know if that's built-in or learnt. But it is something I hope to change. Ironically, I love Romantic literature, pre-Raphaelite art and Art Nouveau, things that drink very deeply of that sort of passion. But I'm not sure anymore if I really 'get' it, or if I just enjoy it intellectually. Also ironically, I have trouble controlling my emotions and yet overcontrol them as well. Sigh. Maybe someday I can just live for living's sake and not worry about why I'm doing something.

Eilir raved on 15:21 Links to this post

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Oooohhh!

The Prehistory of the Aegean

Eilir raved on 15:19 Links to this post

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This is a wonderful resource

for understanding the context and arguments of the great philosophers. It's sort of a 'Cliff Notes' for philosophy.

The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy

Eilir raved on 15:10 Links to this post

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