: 'Stairway to Heaven' by Led Zeppelin; 'Silent All These Years' by Tori Amos
: Oddly Okay
...but it wasn't. Surprisingly.
Please keep in mind that it's late, I'm tired, and I've been on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster today. So I hope the following makes some sense.
I came home today to find a notice on my door that my landlord had filed for a forcible detainer (read: eviction). Okay. A small bit of panic ensued. I guess it's understandable that I could feel torn between two extremes, since I just got a letter not about signing up for another year; talk about mixed messages! But you know, it's not the end of the world. You know that feeling when you get your first 'C' in school and you feel like a total failure? Well, after that you learn that a 'C' doesn't mean that everything's over. As you get older you start realising just how many of those things are not worth an emotional meltdown. It's best to save those for the important moments.
I've been through two rough situations in terms of apartments--once I reached an impasse with a landlord (unlike this place, a terribly run-down, rat-infested--yes, rat-infested--student slum property), withheld the rent to instigate repairs, and wound up leaving but getting the place condemned. Another landlord tried to get me to sign a fraudulent lease at a higher rate so he could get a better loan from the bank (but we'd sign another one right after for the real rate, wink, wink--I didn't play that game). Of course, both times I was on a moral high ground. The challenging thing this time is that they're in the right--I'm late. I've paid most of my rent for the month but still owe $212. Tomorrow I should be getting my unemployment cheque, so that leaves about $40 to scrape up. Hangs head. If I lived in an earlier era, I'd no doubt have either wound up in debtor's prison or been sent to the colonies over it. Fortunately that is (in theory, anyway) a thing of the past.
If I understand, though, the way this works is if I can pay the rent before it actually goes to court (which isn't until the 28th), I get to stay, but I have to pay court costs (something like $98). So I'm going to check and see what the requirements are for that--since I don't get paid again until the 30th. It's not the end of the world. It's just extra hoops to navigate. Now, if I get an actual eviction order, I'll start panicking, trust me. How many places do you know have utilities included (except for personal electric) and allow pets, especially four rather geriatric ones that I'm obviously not going to get rid of? I'd hate to see me and the cats and Cerys living in my Sentra that won't go anywhere. I guess they'd eventually tow us all away.
Well, at least I have my sense of humour, even if I don't have much in the way of money and may soon be homeless. Sigh. And, I'll be getting a little money for working at KET on the 30th as well and some from my medical reimbursement account. I checked the jobs in the state and there's one at Kentucky State showing up now, too, so it's time to shoot off another resume. I also need to check and see if I can draw on my retirement fund at all; it's the only savings I have, and I managed to put very little away before the whole layoff thing happened. The good news is when I have next to nothing I'm less likely to spend it on anything. The bad news is I was already behind when the layoff happened, so that's made things harder. Sigh.
Yesterday I was hit with an urge to clean out some of the junk in the house, do some housekeeping like vacuuming and going through an ever-growing pile of junkmail--basically things to help make things less cluttered and more restful. Today I concentrated on making someone else's life a little better, which wound up making me feel better, too. I also continued the mad housekeeping trend today, and really feel like I channelled my frustration productively. It's sort of frustrating, but sometimes the OCD makes me want to, well, just let things pile up in some sort of nesting hoard. My natural tendency when I'm feeling anxious or threatened is to stop doing all those little tasks that make our homes liveable. But occasionally it makes me want to do the exact opposite and rid myself of the clutter. It's almost like a binge and purge cycle. The medicine helps a lot to keep everything on a more even keel. Even so, I can tell I was heading towards depression, because I wasn't taking the time to put things back in their places, so I'm glad I revved up into cleaning mode.
Tomorrow I'll find out whether I need to pay the court costs on the court date (court is two days before I get paid, so hopefully not), put in some hours at both workplaces, and try to come up with that final deficit, and focus on doing what I can to improve my situation (like prep another round of resumes) and try not to worry about what I can't change. Wish me luck.
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