Christmas Eve

Today's been about memories. I don't actually celebrate Christmas, although I put a lot of gusto into it at work, as I know the patients and others like the silly hats, etc. The spirit of Christmas, after all, transcends religions. But as a Pagan, I celebrate Yule, which is the Winter Solstice. But I don't have friends anymore who are Pagan, and I'm not in a position to really celebrate it to the fullest. I do celebrate Hanukkah with my roommate, but it was very low-key (just the candles) this year. This whole holiday season has been difficult. So I'm in the house, the only one awake (even in the afternoon), and, having grown up Southern Baptist, I think of Christmases past with my family. I had a very complex dynamic with my parents, no siblings to affect it, and no close family left in Kentucky (with apologies to my mom's cousins). I grew up very isolated, and Christmas was the one time we were a family. So here I am feeling a little lonely. Lots of emotions have been flooding me, as the holiday season does for so many. There are some good and bad memories. Truth is, it's all fuzzy anyway. But the emotions are there, and they're particularly troublesome today. But it'll pass. The hope of light is there, after, all, and I have good friends. I'm hoping the new year will be a good one.