Unshelved	by Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum

Oddity of the Month

According to Sunil Freeman, typing the following into Google sends you here:

Zoroastrian Aardvark Tango

Now, I haven't been able to duplicate it. Maybe it was a fluke of the day. In fact, when I first tried, I got nothing. Now I get an interesting page. But I'm glad it brought another reader. (And of course, now it should definitely come up, once it's been crawled.) :)

Thanks for the tip! Hope you enjoy your browsing.

Thought for the day...if I started clicking on a random link on every page I clicked, would I eventually wind up back where I started? How long would it take? Now there's an overblown research project to fund...I'll volunteer if someone pays me. ;)

Eilir raved on 01:06

I never thought of that...

Okay, I try to see how other people live. I try to put myself in their shoes. But sometimes something seemingly minor makes you go 'ohmigod' and there's a ping as the light bulb comes on.

I grew up on Air Force bases. That's a little odd, I suppose, although of course it was normal for me, but one of the good things about it was even though we lived in government housing (not particularly spacious duplexes; the biggest room I ever had was probably 9 x 9 feet), once my dad's rank got to be sergeant or above, we always had a yard. (Yes, it's all done by rank. When he was an airman we lived in campers and trailers. The few times I was in a major's house (because as a rule officer's kids didn't mix with enlisted soldier's kids) I discovered it mostly came down to rank, although number of kids was a factor...that one was spacious.) Still, we always had room for a few tomato plants and flowers, and the yard had to be cut to regulation and sometimes, if you were very good, your yard won the base award.

But until I saw the 'I Love the 70s' show for 1975 where the various urban dwellers described the problems inherent with using a Slip n' Slide...I had no idea how different an experience other kids had. See, I loved my Slip n' Slide. It wore a strip of brown grass right down the yard. We have pictures of me in this flourescent striped swimdress where I used to pretend I was Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow (okay, so I was a budding Pagan even then). If I get around to hooking my scanner back up I may link to one of those, since I'm sure there are those out there going, Slip n' Slide, what's that??? In the meantime, let me tell you that it was a long yellow plastic strip that you staked down in the yard which attached to a hose, with water coming up from the sides wetting the surface and removing what friction was left. You then ran at the thing and lept upon it, sliding down the strip. It was sort of a cheap, primative water slide. Since we lived in Louisiana at the time, it was heaven, because it kept us cool during the worst part of the summer and we were miles from the base pool (where I'd nearly drowned already, so I wasn't keen on going back). In retrospect it was probably the closest thing to bungee jumping I've ever done. I guess in some ways I had more courage (or more stupidity) back then. But mind you, this is before they started putting kids in helmets and car seats, etc., so it really didn't occur to us that we might get hurt. In case you're wondering Wham-O still makes Slip n' Slides, although they've added inflatable bumpers, etc., that I suspect are to make it safer. If you're curious, go to the link and then just imagine the kid on the yellow plastic without any of the extra gizmos, sliding maybe 15 feet. That'll give you an idea.

On the show, people were describing running garbage bags down their apartment hallways and since they couldn't use water, they oiled themselves with baby oil. Or they hooked it up to the hose but put it outside on the cement. Ouch! Granted, these are mostly comedians, so who knows if they're telling the truth, but really, I think they were.

I forget sometimes that growing up in the Air Force and occasionally on family farms is a very different life than what the majority of people have had. Lexington is, for example, the largest city I've lived in, although of course I've visited places like Cincinnati, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Los Angeles. But I just can't see myself living in New York or LA and enjoying it. Or, like my co-worker, someplace even bigger, like Bangkok, where it sounds like the marketplace is right out of that one old Star Trek episode where the planet had too many people.

Put it down to the social phobia, perhaps, but I'm rather glad to have room to breathe.

Eilir raved on 00:27

On the sixth day of Christmas...

I'm hoping for a chance at a new job. Today I mostly worked on job applications (go me!) and visited various friends. Got one of the applications mailed off and the other is getting hand delivered tomorrow. Also, note to self: if an 80 lb bitch (literal use of the term) gets spooked while you are holding her leash and you're inside the house, let go. It's much easier than dealing with the pulled shoulder afterwards.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the universe gave to me a pulled right shoulder, w-o-n-k-y c-o-m-m-e-n-t-i-n-g, Call of Cthulhu, a chance to sleep late...Return of the King...and a trip to grandma's house.

Eilir raved on 23:38

Sorry, comments on the blink

Hmm...for some reason the comments aren't showing up, even though enetation's main site seems to be up and the code is in my template alright. Guess I'll put it down to a temporary glitch for now, and if it doesn't resolve then I'll try to fix it. :) In the meantime, you can always e-mail me if you're just dying to post a comment.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the universe gave to me...w-o-n-k-y c-o-m-m-e-n-t-i-n-g, Call of Cthulhu, a chance to sleep late...Return of the King...and a trip to grandma's house.

Eilir raved on 19:13

It's hard to believe...

that in a blink of an eye, a town can virtually disappear into rubble--CNN.com - Iran's 25,000 quake victims buried. I was watching the news and it sounded as if there was no real way to identify many of the victims; their friends and relatives were most likely dead. An Islamic cleric was doing what he could to help give the victims a proper funeral as backhoes dug graves.

My condolences to the victims and their families. I wish that we lived in a world where there was not so much disparity in wealth and access to vital services. Here in the last few days we have had two earthquakes, nearly the same in terms of magnitude--one in California and one in Iran. It really shows what a difference can be made with enough funds and good building materials/techniques.

Most people in America don't see themselves as rich. They struggle with a high cost of living, for one thing. But even though I barely make ends meet, my two-bedroom apartment must seem like a palace to some. But I suppose I would be considered wealthy by some. Our freedoms, which we tend to take for granted, make us even richer. The sad thing is that there are places where there could be enough money to help the poor, but the resources have been diverted to greedy leaders instead. And unfortunately, no place is immune from that sort of greed.

Perhaps someday we'll live in a world where money does not matter, peace is taken for granted, and each individual can strive up to his or her own potential without being bound by poverty or convention. Maybe that's my idealistic side coming out, but I'd like to live to see that day, or at least come back and experience it. Someday.

Eilir raved on 18:40

On the fourth day of Christmas, the universe gave to me...

Call of Cthulhu, a chance to sleep late...Return of the King...and a trip to grandma's house.

Okay, no re-do for Salem yet but it was nice to get together for the first time in a couple of weeks and try to free England (both current adventures are set there) of Cthulhoid menace. Nice, normal kind of adventures, you'd think, although we've already had a major Mythos creature (Nyarlothotep) show up, pretty as you please, to taunt us. The characters made it through that but I thought the players were going to pee on themselves. Evil Gamemaster!

But then, this is the one thing real roleplaying has over, say computer games. I've never found a computer game which truly simulates the care and feeding of a good game that a great gamemaster puts into it. The scenarios, no matter how great, lack the human touch that makes for truly great gaming. But then, lots of gamemasters lack that too. Fortunately we are blessed (or cursed, depending on your perspective) with someone who is highly intelligent, devious, viscious, yet fair (i.e., there's always a way out of a situation, although it may take a truly creative player to find it). Which is one of the reasons (along with a rich universe and highly-developed characters) we've been playing one game for twelve years.

Eilir raved on 23:41

On the third day of Christmas, the universe gave to me a chance to sleep till 1:30

: 'Zoe Jane' by Staind; 'Other Side' by Red Hot Chili Peppers; 'Radio Ga-Ga' by Queen
: Nesting

I've spent this, my first totally free day of my vacation doing simple things like sleeping till 1:30 in the afternoon, taking a unrushed hot shower, doing dishes, taking a nap in the afternoon sunshine on the couch, straightening up the living room, re-organising kitchen shelves, watching martial art moves on TV (great moves for the game), playing Sims listening to music, and now blogging. I've actually done a lot but it doesn't seem like it, really.

Now I'm thinking about reading up on the Salem witch trials, since I suspect our gamemaster is going to make us re-do the mission in our game where we accidentally changed time. Brenda's feeling better (she and her family have been sick with some bug for a couple of weeks), so we should be playing.

My allergies have really kicked in today. At least, I hope it's allergies. You know how you go and go, and the moment you stop you get sick? I was a little achy earlier and my eyes and nose have just been streaming. Mostly it became an issue whilst burning a spruce-scented candle. Now that I've blown it out, I'm back just to bad sinus headache and pressure. I suppose it's not that surprising, given the fact that I am cleaning house and I'm allergic to my animals, dust, well, virtually the house, and moving stuff around only makes it worse (the main reason I don't dust enough...if I ever get a job where I can make ends meet, I think I'll get someone to come in once a week and dust.) Generally I feel okay...but it was enough that I decided to put off the gym until Monday. Also, annoyingly, I have a fever blister. Of course, I guess I shouldn't complain, since I was up to about 6 a year until I went on the Paxil, and oddly enough that might have helped. I guess if they're triggered by stress, that makes sense, anyway.

I'm thinking about (not now, but sometime before March) getting Sims Online because they have a special rebate that will make it only $9 and the first month of play is free, with subsequent months available either through regular payment or a pay-as-you-go card system so you don't have to commit to every month. Since I spend more time on the computer than watching TV, I'm thinking about cutting down to very basic cable, and the savings would more than pay for playing. Haven't decided, yet, though. Do you any of you play Sims Online? It's really a sort of glorified chat environment, but that's not really so bad for an introvert like me. :) Well, I guess that's enough for now. 'Layla' is playing and I want to give my full attention to Clapton.

Today's sing-along: On the third day of Christmas, the universe gave to me a chance to sleep till 1:30...Return of the King...and a trip to grandma's house.

Eilir raved on 20:34

Ah...the cycle is complete

I went to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King today. As a story, I liked it. Okay, so it's really not Tolkien's story, but I think if you divorce it from the books it works well. And I have to admit some of my favourite parts aren't in the books. So Gandalf really couldn't practically beat the snot out of a head of state. So they ignored main points to the battle and played up minor ones. So, those prehistoric hyena things in the second movie should have been wolves. So most of the ending was a complete tangent. I still loved the series. I haven't seen any of the movies on DVD yet--I'm waiting until the last one is out so I can watch them together in context. And no, I still haven't given up on the books even though I don't care for Tolkien's writing style or character handling...the fact of the matter is that his work is a classic, regardless. And, I can finally tackle my friend Brenda's fifty-three chapters' worth magnum opus and get some idea of what's going on, especially as I helped inspire a small ficlet of hers based on one of the movie scenes from The Two Towers that wasn't part of the book and was ludicrous in it's handling. Hers was a much more satisfying ending, even if it would have left them an entire movie short. :)

Today's sing-along: On the second day of Christmas, the universe gave to me the Return of the King...and a trip to grandma's house.

Eilir raved on 23:01

I totally forgot the Friday Five!!!

Okay, so I'm backdating this. Forgive me, but it was a great one and I wish I hadn't missed it.

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?

Finally feeling like I'm living my own life and not someone else's--and enjoying it, no matter what hurdles it may bring.

2. What was your biggest disappointment?

That someone who I had known for nearly ten years--whom I'd defended and supported and cared about like the sister I never had-- threw away my friendship by having one last, stupid, tirade over something trivial and didn't even have the balls to end it in person--or even the phone--but rather just blogged about it as if we'd had 'the talk'. Although in retrospect, maybe the friendship was always one-sided, if the things she wrote really was how she felt about me, in which case I'm best rid of such a toxic 'friend'. One of the things I'd realised over the course of my own therapy was that she did a lot of borderline stuff that made me seem almost normal--including blaming everyone else for her own problems, and pushing people away and then hating them for abandoning her. In the end, it was all about her, and her twisted view of things--and that's never going to change short of therapy, and she doesn't want that, or for that matter--as far as I can tell--people who care about her, and her husband--who I also thought of as a friend--never showed enough spine to emit the tiniest protest, so that was disappointing, too. Mind, you, not so long ago I officiated at their wedding. Why is it that couples act as some stupid entity-thing rather than two independent people with brains of their own?

A year ago I would have blamed myself, and excused her volatile, abusive behaviour even though everyone else in our circle of friends had cut her out of their lives and people who didn't know her but watched her behaviour (rather than hearing about it from me) just thought she was a raving bitch. This year I stopped making excuses and found new friends I could depend on who did want a two-way friendship, and I'm a lot happier as a result, It's nice to have people in my life I that I don't feel like I have to walk on eggshells with. I don't know if she's any happier, but I hope she gets exactly what she wants in life, although I don't think she'll ever be happy with it--which is a shame, because under it all she really does have a lot going for her. And for the first time, I can say I'm really not concerned one way or the other, because it's none of my business...we're no longer friends, and she's the one who chose to remove herself from my life; I tried to contact her, she avoided me, I had done the best I could, so I went on with my life.

I've noticed in the past that after a time she acts as if nothing bad ever happened, that once she's bored with the people she's gotten to amuse her in the meantime, then she'll run in to the person and act as if everything's just fine. I don't think she gets that it's not just fine, and only a stupid person would treat her as anything other than what she is, having been treated that way. You know what? I've done a lot of stupid things in the past with relationships...but I'm not that stupid.

3. What do you hope the new year brings?

Now that I've learnt to love myself, I want to learn to love someone else--not someone safe, and unable to return that love, but a scary, potentially messy kind of love that nevertheless is the most rewarding. Oh, gods, I sound like a total dweeb. But it's true. And yet I'm scared shitless of that sort of love. Which is probably why I should go back to therapy. :)

4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?

Mostly to just keep trying to get healthier in mind, body, and spirit...although I'm not going to say 'I MUST'; that just seems to set you up for failure. Instead, I'd rather take one day at a time and make gradual changes so a year from now I can say...oh, yeah, that's better. It doesn't have to be put in black and white. One of the things I'm trying to learn is to not try to control every aspect of my life to keep anxiety at bay. It just makes you crazy. It's better to learn to bend a little.

5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?

I'm actually going to a party. But it's a snack-on-munchies-play-board-games-until-Dick-Clark-announces-the-New-Year kind of party, with just a few people, so it's not like, a scary party. :)

Eilir raved on 01:43

:)

I had a good visit at my grandmother's today, although my mom was very tired and none of the others really were feeling well. I have to admit, I'm concerned that my mom and my grandmother are both on medication for diabetic neuropathy--a burning pain in the extremities that can eventually lead to limb loss. The first thing I did once I got back up here was refill my metformin prescription, which was overdue by a few days. It left me without any great desire for sweets, either. Fortunately, sucralose seems to be a viable alternative in terms of baking and cooking. I don't want to wind up facing that myself. So far, my diabetes has been fairly well under control, although I sometimes feel pricking in my hands that I think may be the first signs of neuropathy. It feels like hot needles.

My mom surprised me by giving me our family clock. It's a pendulum wall clock my father brought back from Tokyo during the Vietnam War with a prancing ceramic horse at its head. It's an integral piece of my childhood and the one thing from home that I would be distraught to lose. I waiting to hang it until I can get a sturdy hanger and check for studs in the wall.

When my father's mother was dying of cancer, she sold our family farm and everything in it, and told me to go get anything I wanted before the man came and carted it away the next day. In a panic I went, alone, through the house, even into what I now realise was an unfinished attic where I pulled out things like my treadle sewing machine and a clock with painted glass. My mom really loved it, and I certainly didn't have the money to fix it, so I gave it to her. They've fixed it now and it's running like a charm. Turns out it was made between 1845 and 1888 by a company that later became Timex. It needed a new weight on the pendulum, counterweights (although, in retrospect, I think I have those, I just didn't know that's what they were for), and a restringing of the pendulum. So they have that now, so my mom took down our clock and packed it up for me. I find it's ticking and chime oddly comforting and hypnotic. So I'm looking forward to getting it up and running.

The drive down to Danville was wonderful. The weather was sunny and cool, but clear. I took a camera with me because, well, I guess we're at a point where every Christmas could be the last together. I suppose that's true all the time--one never knows what will happen--but my grandmother's nearly 80 and I worry about her.

I couldn't afford gifts this year, so instead I wrote a personal note in each card of what I most appreciated in the person. I guess sometimes we never tell people how we feel, and so I thought that might be a good thing to do for the holiday.

I'm taking Cerys for a sleepover later so I've been napping with her. She's such a good cuddle puppy, and very warm. She's always been very bed-oriented. I remember when I first brought her home from the pound and she sat down, tail wagging, eyes big and pleading to come up on the bed, but not about to until I gave the okay. Once I did, it was her bed from now on.

Well, I guess that's enough for now. Here's hoping you all have a safe and happy holiday.

Ok, everyone sing along: On the first day of Christmas, the universe gave to me a trip to grandma's house.

Eilir raved on 22:39

I'm free

: 'Photographs and Memories' by Jim Croce; 'Lady of Shalott' by Loreena McKinnitt
: Ready for a holiday

For eleven wondrous days, I'm on vacation. I hadn't realised it, but I've been feeling worn down. Not just tired, or even exhausted. No, more like a marble gravestone whose carving has worn down until there's just a faint trace that the person ever existed. I don't mean to seem morbid; I'm not depressed. It's just been a strange year of ups and downs and it's wearing a little thin. So I think I'm overdue for a rest.

I feel like I've been running all day. First there was the late-night shopping, then work, then picking up the state paycheque, and more last-minute shopping with a friend before the stores closed, but everything was taken care of in the end, and I spent the evening with some of my family exchanging gifts.

I wasn't able to get the candles after all. The store was still closed due to a family illness (the flu, perhaps?), so instead I swung by the co-op and got a large package of incense, instead, which was probably a better choice. Believe it or not, I actually went into a mall on Christmas Eve, but it wasn't very busy at all. Even Joseph-Beth was reasonable--much better than, say, the weekend after Thanksgiving.

Even though I had a nice evening, I really felt like coming on home and just having some alone time. I didn't feel like I really got a chance to celebrate Yule properly. Since tonight is the eve of the birth of Sol Invictus (the Unconquered Sun) in the Roman calendar, though, I felt it would still be appropriate to do a little.

I picked up a rosemary bush that had been trimmed in a tree shape. It's evergreen and I have a good chance of keeping it alive (rather than those Norfolk Virginia pines, which I just don't have much luck with. The pungent odour is comforting. Traditionally, it's a protection against evil and is used to purify. It's used at liminal points within our lives, such as at weddings and funerals, is said to improve memory, soothe headaches/migraines, nervous disorders, and those of the stomach related to stress. Seemed a good choice. :) It also has beautiful, dainty small flowers when it blooms. I've also tested it on five cats and discovered they pretty much ignore it. Anything that looks like grass (spider plants, ferns, etc.) or is in the mint family (not just catnip) is pretty much dead if I bring it into the house. It becomes roughage. My three haven't tried a taste yet and aren't rubbing against it, or anything, so hopefully it'll live. It's very disconcerting to have a green thumb that is still inadequate in light of ravenous greenery-chomping cats, and I refuse to segregate my plants into one cat-free room where I can't see them most of the time. So, perhaps this will work. And if not, rosemary's in several natural cat foods, so it'll probably help their digestion. :)

I also have a spruce-scented candle to remind me of the rebirth of the sun and the evergreens untouched by winter. No ritual, just a couple of things to put me in a more calm, spiritual mindset. It also seems to keep the cats from trying to sit on the keyboard as I type. :)

Tomorrow I'm going home to Danville. After that, it'll be mostly spending time with friends, catching up on housework, reading for fun rather than profit, that sort of thing. I'm looking forward to it...I haven't had that sort of free time in years...even when I was in school full-time, I worked several jobs, sometimes up to 35 hours per week, so I'm looking forward to taking enough time off to get rejuvenated a bit. And I'm hoping to get out of Lexington and maybe take a short road trip, say up to Owenton or to the Newport Aquarium, depending on the weather.

Well, that's enough for now, I suppose. Happy Christmas, for those who celebrate it. Happy Chanukah, too, since it's still going on. Here's hoping for a peaceful new year.

Eilir raved on 22:50

I guess it was a matter of time...

although it's a little creepy that it hit the news right after I made a post on mad cow disease and blood supply, don't you think? U.S. Battles Worldwide Fallout from Mad Cow Case. I have to admit that when I was reading the paper earlier, the thing that struck me was 1) that meat from a downed cow would be part of the food chain and 2) how many processing facilities one cow carcass goes through.

I'm glad I don't eat meat. Of course, I do eat dairy and eggs, so you can't totally escape animal-bourne diseases that way. But one reason I don't eat meat is because of what we do in so-called 'modern' farming where we push growth hormones, pack animals into factory farms, etc. Give me the old-fashioned farm where animals range and you get together with your neighbours and slaughter once a year. There's a fine balance between using healthy methods to improve livestock health and doing weird science.

Eilir raved on 11:15

Ah. Home. Warm. Goody.

It's a little after 2am and I just got home. After I picked a friend up from work I decided that my paycheque was going to hit the bank and that it might be best to come home with pet food. The cats have been eating from my backup stash of canned food, which has made them happy but Buns in particular does best with the Cat Chow Indoor Formula. Anything else seems to make his allergies worse. And I went ahead and got a giant bag of Beneful for Cerys.

I also picked up a couple of gifts, which I won't describe here because the recipients may read this. They were inexpensive but I think the giftees will enjoy them. This is a year for practical gifts, I will say. I need to get some candles tomorrow at the little dollar shop for one more person. I drove by earlier to see what their hours will be tomorrow and they'd closed due to a family illness. I hope they're open tomorrow, but I understand if they can't be. These are really nice coffee-scented candles. This place, Superdollar, has a very nice selection and it isn't, well, as cheap-looking as most of the crammed-to-the-rafters-everything-for-$1 places.

I was starting to get a little grumpy whilst out but coming home and getting something to eat took the edge off. Note to those of you who may deal with hypoglycaemics at one time or other: if a person's blood sugar starts to drop, they tend to be cranky to downright combative. Food will generally take care of this within just a few minutes, and once back in their right mind, people will go, 'gee, why was I being such an ass?' I will say that I've kept my cool through crowds, traffic, and have been very supportive and nice of cashiers. The U-Scan at Kroger's did get me though. The one at Richmond Road has various hoops you have to jump through that Euclid doesn't. At Euclid you can put a large item back into the cart, no problem, and no 'hit the yellow rectangle' with each item, which I think help provides a count and demagnetises security strips but is otherwise a nuisance. (On the other hand, the Euclid Avenue store doesn't have as wide a selection. Since I was scanning something that wasn't so much large as bulky, trying to hit the rectangle with the corner of (mind you, an open) box without scanning it again, etc., I put it down a little too abruptly and the cashier seemed to think I was all bent out of shape. I assured her that I wasn't upset, particularly with her, that it was just heavy and unwieldy and frankly I was up past my bedtime. Sigh.

But let me just say, overall, it's been a very good day. It started out a little shaky. There's a woman at work who tends to be a little needy of the spotlight, dismissive if you're talking about something she doesn't care about, and downright insistent that she's right even when she's wrong, without letting it go. Now, I understand the emotional need to do that, and I also understand that the reason it drives me crazy is that I used to do it all the time. But then, as a result, no one really wanted to talk with me or socialise with me much. I'm starting to feel that way around her. Here are a couple of snippets from the last couple of days.

Her: (talking about a Friends episode where a know-it-all kept pulling up trivia, one question of which was) Which thing that we call a nut is really a seed?
Me: Cashews.
Her: No, I don't think so. He said it was hazelnut. (And of course 'Friends' episode=gostpel. I think in her mind it had to have nut in the name).

Now mind you, I let it go, because although I'm good with botany, I'm terribly insecure about whether I'm right. That comes from having a best friend who's probably got an IQ in the 200s and has an eidetic memory. I have a recalcitrant memory at best. Of course, this means I tend to come out behind in some of our disagreements. There are some areas where I'm the recognised expert, but a lot of our interaction is in realms where he is, like philosophy and logic, subjects that he's taught. Of course, it was pointed out to me that I should have more faith in myself, since I am smart, well-read, and with a wide education. And that's right. But in the meantime I let it drop with this person.

This morning I was blocking on Dave Matthews' name. So I was thinking out loud and saying 'you know, the guy, the singer from South Africa, first name David'. At which point she informed me that he was *really* from Charlottesville, Virginia (see, she went high school and college in Virginia). Well, yes, that's where he launched his career from, but hello, he was born in South Africa, went back and forth between it and the US throughout his life, still maintains his dual-citizenship, and takes interest in the social and health issues hitting his country. I wasn't excluding other places he'd lived or were influenced by...but in my head, that's where he's catalogued, because I remember looking it up because I was curious about his accent. All the time I was actually trying to tell the story he figured into she kept hanging onto it and going on and on about he was *really* from Virginia, at which point I finally stopped what I was saying, told her that it really didn't matter to the story, finished it, and then left the room. Grr. I'm sure this is payback for all those times I pulled the pouty 'Lisa-must-be-right-but-seldom-is' attitude.

Sigh. Mind you, this person doesn't really understand that we're not friends, we're acquaintances, and she'd probably be hurt by that distinction. The fact is, we just don't click. We can talk on certain topics, but in terms of personality, we're just not compatible. Shortly after she started working she said she wanted a chance to be friends because basically she felt like she was surrounded by hicks (not her words, but her meaning) who didn't know anything and were very conservative and she wanted to basically talk to someone educated and liberal. Something about the way she said it at the time rubbed me the wrong way. I guess she seemed to be stereotyping a great deal and I sort of got the impression she wanted to be 'friends' so that I could entertain her otherwise bored mind during her stay here. That's not what friendship's about. Friends don't necessarily agree on matters of politics; it's deeper than that. And unfortunately she tends to have this idea of how the world should be and heaven help it if it doesn't conform. She's told Dwana, for example, that she shouldn't give me rides because I'm overweight and it would be good for me to walk (nevermind that when it's freezing I can't breathe because it triggers my asthma, or that Dwana's a big girl and can make her own decisions, or that it isn't freaking any of her business). But in her mind, I had to lose weight, so my wants and true needs meant nothing. She has given me a ride exactly once, because I think she felt guilty about snapping at me, but she'll often slow down and taunt me with a 'I'd give you a ride, but...' story that takes almost as long as it would to give me the ride. Usually I was fine walking on my own, but her stopping really just reminded me that I didn't have a car and in some cases had to rely on the charity of others. Whereas Dwana never, ever made me feel like I was a charity case. That's the difference between someone who thinks they're your friend and someone who is. Meanwhile she has Dwana pegged as some sort of sweet church girl, which is a pretty superficial way of looking at people. I'd much rather deal with someone on a deeper level--cracks and all--than some sort of smoothed over unrealistic façade.

Okay, let's move that rant aside, and I'm sorry, it's been bubbling for awile, although keep in mind I generally like her, I just get exasperated every six months or so with her 'everyone has to eat lunch together' micromanagement and need to control everything. I suspect it's because she's the oldest of several children, in part. And I know, I used to do very similar things. But you know what? I decided to work on that and learn how to be a friend. And as a result, although there are some co-workers I get along well with, I have a separate network of friends.

The really great thing about today is that I had to go to court again based on a couple of cheques I'd already paid off but weren't included in November's court date. The judge, when she came out, had on one of those headbands with reindeer antlers on it. That hurt my brain. Oddly enough, she seemed pretty strict on the various cases, though. So, I was a little worried. I was hoping they'd dismiss the case, but there was no guarantee. By the time they got to my name though, wayyyyy at the bottom of the docket, since people with lawyers go first, then people in jail, and then the rest of us, it turned out that I was the only person who had already taken care of a cheque/brought proof for whatever the issue was. No one brought in proof of insurance, their valid driver's licence, paid fees, whatever. So, the judge dismissed the case. Yay!

Court's a little odd in December. I've been a juror during that month. My favourite part of this session though was a guy named Jeffrey (I know this because the judge was on a first name basis with him) who was in jail and the judge greeted each other rather warmly and he pled guilty and then asked, 'Judge, what are the chances I could get out of here in the next day or so I can finish my Christmas shopping?' And she was like, 'well, what all do you have to buy?' 'Oh, a just a few little things.' She gave him credit on his service and he was going to get out later today. Warning, do not try this at home. That was a special circumstance. The same judge told a woman (wife, mother, I'm not sure) who kept trying to interrupt that she wasn't interested in anything she had to say unless she was the man's lawyer. But mind, you, this was arraignment court, where people just don't seem to understand that babbling on tape can be used against you in a case later, and they really try to make sure you don't do that, at least until after you've seen an attorney.

I capped off the day with some errands and was treated to egg foo young. All in all, it's been very pleasant, minus the co-worker and U-Scan. They even managed to get my PDA to partly synch on the new platform. Tomorrow should be very, very quiet at work. They'll probably play some Christmas music over the intercom. I wish I realised earlier that Dwana wasn't going to be there tomorrow; for some reason I thought, since she was trying to build up her PTO, that she'd be there. I should have taken off. Still, I'm going to be off from Christmas through January 4th, so I can't really complain. :)

I'm planning on doing some 'winter' housecleaning over the break and I went to the library and loaded up on some books. Unfortunately, I had some strange idea that an Anne Perry book (Resurrection Row) was actually the next in the series, which I haven't read. This one I have. Sigh. Mind you, I bought two copies of the paperback for the same reason; got it mixed up in my listing. So this is the third time I've got the wrong book in my attempt to continue the series. I feel like I'm 'stuck in the moment' indeed. Since it was a small hardback that fit in my purse, I snuck it into the courtroom and started reading before they brought us to order, then realised that it was the same book I'd purchased twice and had already read (it starts out with a cabbie dead at the rein, so that was fairly memorable). So, I went ahead and put it in the deposit box at the library on the way back to my car. Next time I'll pay more attention.

What a long, bitchy post. Sorry about that, but hey, you are reading my diary. Maybe it's hormonal, or I'm feeling bah-humbuggy, or just sometimes you need to bitch. Thanks for 'listening'. It's 3:30 am now and time for all rabid librarians to be in bed. 'Night.

Eilir raved on 02:45

Hee hee

Today when I went into KET I found several things, all of which have me in great holiday cheer...

• A present from my boss with a picture of Sister Wendy and the note 'she knows when you've been good or bad'. Which is a little disturbing, given that she's a nun, but not nearly as disturbing as an old geezer in red and white fur and jack boots knowing your every transgression, I suppose. Inside was 'The Bad Girl's "Rage-a-Day" 2004 Daily Calendar, which allows you to 'rage against the good girl machine--every single day'. As a recovering 'Good Girl', this was greatly appreciated.
  
• A personalised ornament from the new director of our division
  
• A card and candy cane from our office manager
  
• Fruit and nuts
  
• Apparently the state pays us before Christmas even though we would normally be paid on the 30th, sooooo I get my paycheque on Wednesday, a week early, when I'm also getting paid at the hospital, a day early. Ah, synchronicity. Also, we get paid holidays for the 25th, 26th, 1st, and 2nd. I am beginning to love state holidays. There are so many.
  

Of course, I had to open up the calendar and find out what was on my birthday. It's 'Don't Go to Work Unless It's Fun Day'. Do you think, since a boss gave it to me, that I could make that one stick? Where else can you find creative things to do with pantiliners, many mixed drinks recipes, and a list of things to do with photos of your evil ex? :)

Another great thing...I've decided to take off from Christmas through New Year's, and that's okay with my boss at the hospital. That means...dum, dum, dum...eleven whole days off, including weekends. Yipee!!!

Oh, well, gotta go. My monitor is snoring. Well, actually, the stripey orange cat on top of the monitor is snoring. I've got a few things to do around the house before going on to bed. Ta.

Eilir raved on 22:20

British concern over CJD may change transfusion protocols

British concern over CJD may change transfusion protocols

I'd be interested in how British and American agencies compare in terms of blood collection. I give blood regularly, and I've had to answer questions about Creutzfeld-Jakob, any human- or bovine-derived products I've taken, etc., for about three years now. Is it substantially different in Britain? You would think, with the concerns over Mad Cow Disease and its possible link to CJD ,this would have come up a long time ago. I'm not criticising, I'm just wondering if this is really a surprising development, or if the media's just grabbing onto it.

Personally I think they should add a question in our region regarding eating any brain tissue, especially of squirrels. Many people still squirrel-hunt and I've heard of cases of an encephalopathy in humans related to eating squirrel brains--both from people I've known who have cared for patients, and in the medical literature. And yes, I have eaten squirrel (it's actually quite tasty, albeit gamey), although just the meat. My mom, though has grossed me out by eating the brain (even when I ate meat I was never into internal organs).

I have to admit, it's not the reason I'm vegetarian, but it's a happy side effect...I just hope they never find that prions can be found in dairy products.

Eilir raved on 14:04

Blogging on the Longest Night of the Year

Well, it's official...Winter begins and as of a few minutes ago the sun had reached it's furthest point 'away' from those of us in the Northern hemisphere and began its long journey back. For those Down Under, you're no doubt enjoying the longest day of the year. But for us, for now, it's cold and dark but with the promise of the coming light.

So, good Yule to my fellow Pagans Up Above, and happy Solstice to everyone else. May that promise of light sustain you through the dark winter.

Eilir raved on 02:32

Whoa!

Just checked the last post, and Ernie aside, I thought they weren't planning to up the terror level this weekend with the latest rumblings. Must go and check the news more often on weekends. Apparently with the high holiday traffic and perhaps the capture of Saddam Hussein, there is more credible intelligence of possible attacks now than at any time since 9/11. Fortunately the news didn't break too long ago, so I didn't miss it, per se. Who said blogs can't be informative?

Check out the Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridgeway's statement.

And let me say that although I generally disagree with the Bush Administration on a whole slew of issues, I think that the Department of Homeland Security (itself, rather than some of the security measures enacted that may be too restrictive of basic rights) was a good idea, because obviously an agency should work with all the departments within the huge government system as a means to make for more efficient (and hopefully safer and secure) operation. And once they got over the initial panic-inducing statements regarding threat levels, the colour-coded system works pretty well. Yes, people should be prepared. No, we shouldn't panic, because that's like stampeding at a theatre fire and will do nothing to save lives. Just my 2 cents' worth.

For now, I'm off to retrieve my dog from a visit with the rest of the pack.

Eilir raved on 20:03

Seen on a bumpersticker

Madness takes its toll.
Please have exact change.

I think I'll have to get one of those. :)

Eilir raved on 19:56

Someone gives you a gift card to Wal-Mart for the holidays with $25 on it

What do you get with it?

So far:

• Underwear in...sigh...the next higher size, since I'm trying to live in reality and the last weren't big enough--Is it normal for your underwear and ring size to be the same????
  
• Menstrual pads (which sounds much better than feminine napkins, which always makes me think of frilly dinner napkins in intricate origamied shapes)
  
• A collar for a friend's puppy
  
• A soda
  
• Food for my dog
  
• Ice cream
  and I still have some left over

I guess I could have gotten something wild and fun, but well, I'd rather have those things right now. Wild and fun can wait until after the holidays when I get paid again and everything goes on sale. Who am I kidding? I'm not wild and fun. ;) My idea of alternative purchases are: Scarf/gloves/hat, a charm for my charm bracelet, Spirograph™, a chenille sweater, maybe The Sims™ Makin' Magic. Not the most glitziest of items, but enough for me.

Besides, this has already been a great year in terms of gifts...a car, enough money to get caught up on bills, a pair of shoes for interviewing, a couple of nice outfits, Lyra's Oxford, Cobblestone Way and Edward Gorey calendars, and an expandable accordian-style genealogy of the Greek Gods. What more could a girl want? And it's not even actually Yule yet.

Eilir raved on 03:09

Oops

: 'Love Me When I'm Gone' by 3 Doors Down
: Pretty decent, all things considered

I didn't feel too great earlier. I was starting to think I was coming down with a cold. But in retrospect I think I had a combination allergy (runny eyes, runny nose), sinusitis (drainage, sinus pain headache, nausea), period (cramping, aching, blah), IBS (nausea, cramping), and lastly and most fun being severely dizzy and hard to stay warm.

So I took my meds, came home, took a long nap, took a long, hot bath, finally up and dealing with stuff better four hours later. Which made me realise that I don't think I've taken my Paxil in several days. The last time I actually remember taking it was last Sunday. Granted, that's not necessarily the last time. But regardless, it was an oops on my part. I take it at lunchtime, normally, and with all the different celebrations going on at work I got out of my normal routine. Paxil, like any other SSRI, is not something you should go cold turkey from. If I skip a dose it usually makes me have headaches (but then I've had everything from tension to sinus to migraines most of my life), but I think this was more severe. Also, my thinking's been very fuzzy the last couple of days. That's one thing about having OCD. If I don't take my medication, it really makes it difficult for me to think. It's like my head replays this buzzing loop over and over and I can't make any sense of what's going on outside my head. Compulsive behaviour and obsessive thoughts are part of it, of course, but it's like my brain fires intermittedly when it's at it's most severe. I didn't realise how odd it felt until I had medication that prevented it. The last few days friends have been complaining that I'm mixing up my words, and I've had a really, really hard time speaking. It's not as difficult to right, but I get almost aphasic when it comes to oral communication. Sometimes I mix what I'm trying to say and what's playing in a loop through my head. Does that sound crazy? Probably. I just know that a few hours after taking the medicine, I can think and talk normally again. I think I've been so busy with the holidays I haven't been paying proper attention to my health needs. Time to set an alarm again that says, 'hey, take your pill!'

Wonky brain chemistry.

Eilir raved on 02:52

Are you ready for...CowFu?

This is freakin' cool!

Warning: Requires a fast connexion and a media player, but well worth it. And no cows for harmed in the making of this clip. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'Got Milk?™'.

Eilir raved on 02:26

Why can't our public health be this cool?